Dinner... oh yes, hashbrowns, eggs, essentially - easy stuff. I cooked while Damon and the kids were watching a movie. I set the table, like usual. Everything ready.
Until it hit me. I had set for 5. We arent 5 anymore, we're 4. I quickly un-did my mistake and threw the extra food on the tops of our plates, and called everyone to dinner. I sat there trying to eat without throwing up, and I wondered - did anyone else miss her? What will I say when Daunika asks me why Ruby doesnt come back? What will I say when others, with good intentions, ask about her? What do I do to make myself adjust so quickly back to setting for 4. Why didnt anyone miss her today at dinner like I did! Why didnt she miss being at dinner tonight?
It was sad, I was sad, and I was feeling rediculous. This shouldnt hurt so fucking badly.
Maybe its worse because I'm stuck in the fucking house all day, throwing up like crazy, surrounded by her half-ass-cleared-room.
note to self - clear her room completely and clean her, OUR, bathroom upstairs.
I need to get out of the fucking house.
RETAIL THERAPY - fuck budgetting, I'm too sad to care today.
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