Selective Neglect.

Am I really about to write a post about choosing to neglect things? 

Yep. Buckle in folks, this is worth it. 

Hear me out. 

That still small voice inside me that wonders have I done enough, am enough, can be enough exists. It is not glamorous or friendly, it's a vicious ugly bitch who rears her head in the thick of things when I am feeling less than ideal. I'm hoping to find this voice even smaller in the future because once upon a time this voice that was the internal monolog of disarrayed thoughts that serve no purpose. Sometimes I think as a society we're not talking enough about doubt or disappointment. We've been sold a lie and it's eating at us. This lie is that we cannot talk about our troubles. As if somehow by admitting our vulnerability that we're somehow calling ourselves weak and unworthy. I'm here to call it a lie, point blank.

Mothering is the hardest most rewarding journey I've ever been on. But haven't we all heard that before? Well, sometimes this 'journey' of mine feels like a nice smooth stroll in the park where the sun is shining and birds are singing but other times it feels as if I'm locked in a roller coaster seat while screaming desperately to get off! Those days suck. They are pretty few and far between, but they exist. Usually, they pop up on those days when you hear about someone doing something awesome while you are still in your pajamas and your house is a mess. You know the kind of day I'm talking about. Then some time ago, I learned to let it go. Sure I still have my days when I know I could have done so much better, but I've learned to be selective. I learned to neglect things and I want to encourage you to neglect something selectively too. 

Now, I'm not saying you can let everything go to pot over there, but map out your day and realize you are one person. If you're like me, you are one person trying to accomplish the work of six every day. As mothers we're the cooks, taxi services, counselors, teachers and maids. I often feel I need 10 uniforms on that include my apron, combat boots, war paint, and my cape of course. Last year I heard someone I am fascinated by say the words "selective neglect" and it dawned on me - we cannot do all things, but we can choose what things we do. In today's society the merit badges earned by mothers seem to be measured by the to-do list and the kids-activities list. As if rushing from one place to another to yet another makes us more fulfilled and earns us a place in the palace above? I think not. Too many of the greats have asked us to slow down and savor. To savor this moment, you have to give something up. 

Perhaps it's the ideal of fitting in your size 6 jeans when you look lovely in an 8 and are healthy in your womanhood, maybe it's scanning all those things you've kept in the garage as mementos of your life before kids and then throw them away and build yourself some new shelves! Each and every time I add something to my plate, I have something I have to give up. It's not a sad fact at all, it is the core of the evolution of the soul that is this journey called my life. 10 years ago when I moved to Idaho, I swore I wouldn't stay. I wasn't married, I certainly didn't want children and I was going back to the city the very moment I could. And then something happen...... I lived. As I couldn't seem to plan my life, I learned to live in the moment better. It started with I do, then 4 kids, 1 dog, 2 cats, 26 chickens and 2 goats later... here I am telling you that I do NOT do it all. Each and every addition to this life that surrounds me is purposeful. 

I have absolutely no idea what is on TV anymore, I don't own one. While I love movies and curling up to watch a great family flick, I don't have time with this life of mine. I don't have a new car anymore that's in flawless shape. Yes, my vanity at once was tied to a car I loved dearly and symbolized that I did get what I wanted, but I have got to tell you that my dented older suburban Betty is rad. My days are filled with children sun up to sun down and contrary to popular belief, I don't have super human patience. I get OUT of this house and give up time with my family as a whole to save my sanity. I am not home for dinner 5-10 nights of the month, I missed my babies first steps because I chose a date night with my husband instead. I settled I worked less on working out and worked more on dedicating my life to setting a routine that worked for my whole family long term. I feel like I'm met with a cross road often and I have to select between great and great. Sometimes, things just cannot be done and I am OK with that! I hand made gifts for Christmas and will again this year... it doesn't mean I have superhuman skills, it means I sacrifice something to get it done. I have a couch in my house that I PURCHASED specifically for laundry. I shit you not, come to my house, you'll see it. Why in the world would I have a laundry couch? Well, because why not? I have the space and I'd rather pile up some clean clothes and earn something else in this moment. Maybe sometime soon I'll get rid of it if it no longer serves me, but in the tiny children stages, I chose the laundry couch. While some are folding laundry the moment it comes out of the dryer and tucking it away so nicely and swiftly, I am probably outside yelling at my son to put on some darn underwear! Or bouncing on a exercise ball with a teething grump, or sitting on a different couch sipping hot coffee with my husband. This is so my life; It suits me. 

So here is my plea : Neglect something today. Let something go that isn't serving you. Maybe you're not sure what you need to let go - so follow what moves you the strongest and follow it with all your soul and all your heart. You've got this life right in front of you, go get it. 

School Around Here!

Life is in an awesome groove. We've refined our school schedule to damn near perfection and I am LOVIN IT!!! The kids seem to thrive on it and all around we are all accomplishing more these days than ever before. We're totally eclectic in our schooling choices, so please mind not what "curriculum" we use or dont, we are busy living with a passion. We have mixed it up with reading, writing and math but there are some core things we love these days: The Story of the World, Life of Fred, and reading the classics!! Plus art projects, unit studies, you name it.

Here's a peak:

Right now we have a schedule of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday: we wake up have breakfast together and from 9-12:30 we "do school". During that time we complete our core subjects a variety of eclectic ways. I am becoming stricter on not participating in any activities during these time slots to respect our education time and discipline ourselves. It's working out great!! Thursday is our homeschool co-op with more than 20 families and 115+ children. It is a great social and learning environment that acts a lot like unit studies. Friday we play board games and read a ton as school. Now, before you say "board games aren't school", let me assure you THEY ARE! My children learn sportmanship, colors, counting, rules, boundaries and how to have a good time all at once. I'm certain they have all learned their colors from Candyland. Scabble Junior and Monopoly Jr have become staples in our lives for spelling and money handling. And frankly, Uno is pretty cool too :)

Daunika's focus this week has been grammar lessons and proof reading for mistakes. She can read flawlessly but her spelling and grammar are in need of assistance. Then again, I realize she is seven, no biggie. She loves to bust out a highlighter to her own work though and find her mistakes. She is enormously good at this self correction after the fact and we've been working hard at making sure she knows mistakes happen but they aren't a sign of intelligence or stupidity.

Aurora wants to learn to read. She is frustrated that Daunika can read and she can't. Though I'm not sure she is "ready", she is passionate about trying and that is fantastic. We are going for it! Who cares how long it takes.

Declan is counting to 15 these days, knows all his colors, and can sing most nursery rhymes with ease. I'm stunned by his eagerness to read about trains and all things related to trains. Such a little man.

Happy Little House on the Prairie Birthday, Daunika!

Birthdays are something to celebrate. Birthdays are exciting, fun, and well... not just for kids! If I thought birthdays were something I loved as a child, I can tell you I love them so much more as a mother preparing exciting happenings for my kiddos!

Daunika turned 7 this month and in our homestead tradition, on the actual day of her birth we let our kiddos decorate a cake ANY WAY THEY WANT! This year was a tad nuts though. Our well was frozen, we lived without running water for days. This was the first year I bought a cake for her to decorate, but hell would have to freeze over before I would miss this tradition. The day was saved by Monica & Kurt bringing us dinner and we were thrilled to share with them a piece of yummy cake :)

Here is Daunikas creative process and her lovely cake! 

There might not be enough on there... add some more right?

And a few weeks later, we had a fantastic, simple, relaxing fun-filled party for her, Little House on the Prairie Themed (her choice!)

Here's a peak into our decorations:

We set up "Penny Candies" in mason jars, but I forgot to find pennies so it was a free for all :) This idea came from Little House in the Big Woods when Laura gets to go to the mercantile with her father.

Next up, we had popcorn! And other snacks, but the popcorn balls were especially chewy and hysterical because Damon and I had never made them before and we made them so they glued your mouth shut almost. Whoops. Oh well, the kids loved them! And we had traditional butter & salt popcorn! In Farmer Boy, they pop corn as a treat!

Each girl had a bonnet and apron. Daunika worked diligently at marking 10 aprons. They were awesome and she was so proud of herself! 

The girls had a great time. Paper dolls, finger knitting, coloring pages and of course - cake and ice cream! 

What a great theme. I'm so glad she chose it! 

Homestead On!

Ah... the good life.

Well, the mostly, almost there, sometimes chaotic, very real, totally messy, utterly fantastic life.

In the wake of my 26th birthday, I sit and reflect as people speed by living the 'young life' how did this creep up on me?! When did people start being adults and younger than me? Holy shit! Now, I'm not saying I feel old by any stretch.. but more so, I feel established. It's not anything to gloat, just a fact that feels of great comfort to me. To reach out to someone who might be re-establishing or trying something for the first time to uplift them in the newness.

Last night I sat up late with a good friend who asked me a pretty simple question - how did I learn to be a mother? Holy heck, I have no idea. I figured out what not to do, yet fall short and sometimes do those things I shouldn't. Oh, how funny life is when something simple has to wondering about your path in life.

Things around here are zooming by at lightning speed. I rarely knit, I don't have time to blog, I don't have time to do much but BE. For so long my dear blog has sat as a beacon of light to me, a place of public introspection and reflection. A place to share my joy. My sorrow. My vulnerability in hopes to take away it's power of misunderstanding.  But, I rarely have time these days! Perhaps I should reevaluate... when I have time. LOL

So, what in the heck are we doing around here? Hmmm...

Capturing snapshots on my phone as I just sit with kiddos in my lap.

Watching the creative process that a train set invokes in Declan!

Finding all my girls on the TOP bunk of the bunk beds... Ah. Heart attack. Had to explain why Lani cannot be up on the top bunk.

Seeing our big kid lose her 4th tooth.... but instead of losing it - she pulled it out!

Oh ya... and that homesteading thing? Well.... We are progressing there too! Meet Mama (right) and Thelma (darker on the left). They are our registered dairy goats!

Oh so much to say..... but alas, homestead calls. Laundry to fold and baby to rock to sleep. Onward I go :)

Happy New Years!!

As I sit here with my four children literally running around happily in front of my eyes, I wonder how in the hell I made it this year. Like each year, this was one of stretching beyond anything I ever imagined. We climbed higher mountains and fell hard sometimes. It was a beautiful year of reflection, determination and values.

One of my favorite things to do each new year is look at a photo of each of my children 1 year apart from the time it was taken. I've blogged this for the last several years - here we go!

This is Daunika December of 2011.

And this December... As it turns out, Daunika is often photographed while doing something. She rarely likes to look at the camera and is usually buried behind a book.

Aurora has changed in leaps and bounds. Such a lovely young lady we have. This is Dec 2011

And Dec 2012...

Declan :) Dec 2011

And now, Declan Dec 2012

And of course, last December we welcomed Kalani

And our 1 year old now...

What a difference a year can make!

We moved this past year... and vowed to never again live in a subdivision or try to be in that box that strangled us to death. I love the liberty and freedom to rise up and do what is best for us. I loved my subdivision lifestyle when I had it, and then it wasn't right for us anymore. We are just renting this lovely home for now and are already plotting where we'll wonder next with more land!

We decided life was too short not to own a trampoline!

We sat and watched a few sunsets in peace

I learned to back up a trailer! Actually, once you get it, it's not that hard at all. 

Forts and tents were built. Siblings bonded. Life rolled steadily. 

So, here's to an amazing 2012! I hope each of us grew, changed, stretched and reached for the sky. Life is too amazing to not go for it. 

Every year I try and set some goals..... This year, I will do it again! 

I want to try again at being the best version of me. To constantly grow, change, move forward, strive for nothing short of excellence. To life up those around me, to stand on the shoulders of the giants in my life to reach higher, to learn to listen to the Spirit, to bring up my children with joy and dedication. To laugh and love and commit to giving more than I ever had. 

I can't wait!