How do you like your pillows?

Do you like them to coordinate and all match?

Do you like a rainbow? Do you pick the colors at random? Does it need to match at all?

What shape do you like? Euro? American? Are you a down pillow lover or not?

Or are you really wild and enjoy some funky pillows?

Or does uniformity appeal to you?

To my Moose, I have the best built in pillows. Somehow my son has decided that his natural cycle is 'sleep, eat, play" and that means that he spends his time falling asleep and sleeping snuggled into me. My husband and a friend joked it was because of my 'pillows'. So heres to attachment parenting, baby wearing and all those moms who know exactly what I mean!

Mothers Retreat turned into a real life treat.

What an amazing weekend! I am such a blessed woman. This past weekend, I found myself in wonderful company driving up highway 55 in my little civic. Where was I going? AWAY! I decided the moment I heard about this weekend, I would be there. A woman that inspires me to be a better mother announced at our homeschool co-op that she was hosting (another) Mothers Retreat!

So here I found myself, Moose, and Megan heading up to McCall for the weekend. Driving up brought interesting feelings of anxiety, freedom, loneliness and joy. I had an idea that I would be the only non-LDS (mormon) woman attending the retreat. While it is true that most of my friends are LDS because they understand my family values and don't push me outside of them, I also have felt shunned and scorned by those who look down upon my family for not being LDS. My anxieties about being shunned quickly melted and I found myself among women that I was enjoying completely!

It felt good to be 'free' driving away from my home with a friend for a weekend. I had no 'responsibilities' (with the exception of Moose). I felt some guilt about the thrill of freedom - but freedom came with the longing. I missed my husband and kids so much over the weekend. It really was a great wake up to go from that thrill of "ahhh! I'm free!" to the "I want to go home now!!!". A little emotional? You bet.

I cannot tell you what the 'topics' the speakers spoke about. They were LDS based, so I really had a hard time getting content out of them, although I'm sure I was the only one with that feeling. It wasn't the formal speaking time, it was the down time that I think I grew the most. I got to know some of the ladies from our homeschooling co-op better and I loved that!! It was so inspiring to hear others stories, others lifestyles, and to reflect deeply inside what path I was on. But there was so much FUN too! Zumba in our pajamas? Yep! Having a plate in front of me that a toddler didn't want to share? Oh ya! You did know this was heaven right? LOL

Have you ever been in a group of women and found yourself in the rut of husband bashing? I have. Sure, my husband irritates me. And sometimes, I'm prone to letting him know it (and usually the neighbors in asian, I yell that loud. LOL).... but he wouldn't be him without those moments. This weekend was not a group of women husband bashing. In fact, it was so the opposite, we all were together to share something wonderful about our husbands.... How uplifting!!! The stories were simple and funny and emotional and just perfect.

Listening to these women's stories of their life long loves - I began not thinking about just them, and their happiness, but a deep reflection of my own happiness. This past two years has brought so many tears and stress from financial woes that it could be easy to let it swallow me whole sometimes. Instead, I feel like these two years are exactly what was meant to be. My children have witnessed their parents love each other deeply and truly. I have watched my husband define his life goals, beyond more than a career and paycheck. I have had to look in the mirror and decide what the next step in my own path would be. Its been amazing. What would a great weekend be without pictures?!

I captured the casual moments... because I loved them the most! (and isn't the condo fabulous?!)

So many great conversations happening all at once. I wish I could have split myself in a million pieces to hear them all!


Megan and Moose, my best friend and my new little man. What a great picture!
Stacey - the amazing woman who planned all this, also cooked! What a fabulous woman!!!
A group snap-shot before the rest of us packed up and left for the trip home.

So sitting with those women at 11 pm, eating warm brownies and ice cream was fantastic and exactly what I needed! Not because I needed to get away or be free - but because I needed to come home. It was not my absence but my return that was the defining moment of this Mothers Retreat. I came home. Home. I came home to my husband and daughters. To my best friends husband and her children.

I came home to the family that I cherish completely and unconditionally. And I was welcomed home. I am humbled.

A Journey to Mothering a Moose

The Journey to Mothering a Moose started out exciting, terrifying, and new. I fought the idea of having a boy - what in the world would I do with a boy? Didn't the world know I was the mother of two very girly girls? How would a boy fit? Of course I knew deep down that my life would change forever - I was going to be a mother of a boy.

Weeks and weeks go by without pictures... Mostly just puffy. But active, healthy, and I kept up mostly with my normal routine of living!

1/2 way there!

Above, I entered the 3rd trimester. Ahhh... exciting!

Began to round and grow. This little man was MUCH more active in utero than his sisters. Very early on his movements were pronounced and strong. He was active often and I loved it!!

Henna. One of my enjoyments this pregnancy was the choice in my last month to Henna design my own belly and this little design was on my hand as well :)

The design was drawn by me with a marker and my wonderful husband helped me apply the paste to my very big belly!

In my last month, I think I grew daily. Literally tripled my size every time I passed a mirror.

And the estimated due date passed....... without baby

As did the 41 week mark.....

The journey to labor was one that was deeply moving and spiritually uplifting. During my last month of pregnancy I enrolled in a Everyday Spirituality taught at our fellowship by our minister Elizabeth Greene. I loved the class! One of the practices we learned was moving meditation on a labyrinth on a Tuesday night (March 2).

Wednesday nothing happend and I was feeling completely sorry for myself. Logically I knew that he would come on his time and I was needing to slow down and accept that. Thursday morning I decided I wanted to walk the labyrinth again. I asked my husband if he wanted to come, not knowing if he actually would and at that point I had no child care for our kids... But sure enough, he wanted to come and Megan, bless her, took my children for the afternoon spur of the moment.

The walk of the labyrinth brought laughter, silence, tears, more laughter and a general spiritually touching event that I cannot sum up in words. I felt completely and totally grounded with our earth and the cycle of life. I felt connected with my husband and I felt at peace. It was exactly what my soul needed. Connecting with my husband was deeper than I can describe, but it deserves being noted as a partial reason for peace.

Little did we know, this deeply moving afternoon in the rain outside on the labyrinth would be our final 'date'. Friday morning I got the kids and I up and out of the door with a new spring to my step (which is saying alot 41 weeks pregnant!). We spent all day at our homeschool co-op and by the end of the day, I was so happy. I had connected with my husband the day before, and I spent all day not wishing for birth - but enjoying the sunshine and watching my children grow. I just enjoyed being with them and living in the moment!

It was just what I needed to go into labor. I left the co-op about 2 pm... drove straight home without a hitch. That is, until the drive way. I had one major contraction as I backed my car into the garage. Another came shortly after as I unbuckled my oldest and before I could get to my youngest suddenly she had thrown up all over herself and I'm screaming for my husband to come help! To which he yells back cant I hurry and get a towel. No I could not! I was having another big contraction. I came inside and washed up the kiddo, drank a big glass of water thinking my contractions were from dehydration, and I sat down to rest. Aurora curled up on my lap and rested with me. I decided my office chair was getting really uncomfortable and stood up to grab my physio-ball... POP. What a unique feeling! Sure enough, at 3:42 pm on Friday March 5th, my water broke. Damon took Aurora as I changed my pants and called my midwife, Megan my best friend and my mom. It must have been the planets aligned correctly because Megans husband was on his way home and my mom was headed to Boise to our next door neighbors house where my brother was going to stay the night with friends.

Labor came quickly and I knew birth was coming soon. Megan arrived at our home in time for me to have several contractions and come to the conclusion we needed to head to the birthing center. By 6:45 we had arrived at The Baby Place to be greeted by Jerusha Goodwin, one of our midwives. I did not want a cervical check and instantly got in the birthing tub with my husband. Megan was so supportive in taking video and pictures and keeping up great conversation with all of us. Along side Jerusha, Holly, a student midwife arrived as well. Labor was insanely easy. I felt loved, supported, and centered. I was peaceful through contractions until I began feeling his head descend into the birth canal. If my mind could have clearing spoken to everyone, I would have shaken them and said - no, seriously, this feels different! Instead, I panicked a bit. I didn't feel panicked until hindsight. I didn't really have time to think through my feelings at that time. I do remember though that my husband was behind me, my midwives in front of me, and I felt safe. Damon was absolutely perfect. While not much physical support was needed, I felt the emotional need of having him near. He stayed by me to hold my hand, laugh at my jokes, breath with me when I needed it, and I just cannot say enough how much I love my husband.

Dani Kenney, our other midwife arrived just as we began pushing. Pushing did not take long, though intensity was peaking. Declan Morrow Huberty arrived at 8:28 pm weighing a whopping 10 lbs 10 ounces and 24 inches long.

I felt wonderful! Oh man. Considering I just gave birth to a massive child, I really just felt like I was on cloud 9.

Our little man came to us perfect.... but I had new mommy hormones and this was our first baby with jaundice. That gave me some stress in the first week, but it cleared up without needing treated beyond lots of sunlight and nursing :)

In 5 weeks that I've gotten to mother this new precious life, I have felt completely at peace more than I expected. Thank goodness for babywearing too!!

I look forward to what mothering this moose will bring......