February is Fun!

How can February not be fun when you start with a Birthday?! 

And as is our family tradition, the birthday child gets to decorate their very own cake on the day they were born!

She loved her cake!! 

February brought lots of other fun times too! 

I had what seemed to be a million valentines day cards to make. 

Really, it was only 100, but man thats a lot!

My amazing 5 & 3 year old signed all 100 cards!!!! Well, Aurora only wrote an A but she did that 100 times!

I stamped the front of them with a simple "For my friend"

What a FABULOUS time they had at co-op

So much fun, ALL THREE passed out on the way home!

But theres MORE! Valentines day means the month is only half over.... What did we accomplish in the other half?

Declan, our dear sweet child decided to try to walk. Constantly. He stands up all on his own and will take 4-5 steps before falling. In less than a month, I'm sure this little man will be running marathons! 

Standing has its advantages though... Its cute!

There was a scary-easy, very fattening, uuber delicious pan cookie recipe shared! 

All in all, what a great month!! March is sure to bring more awesome moments to cherish :) 

Time will ease your pain......

..... Life's about changing. Nothing ever stays the same........ It's ok to hurt and it's ok to cry........

Patty Loveless "How can I help you to say goodbye"

This song is an interesting one all about loss and letting go. I think it suits my mood today. For almost five years, I've been blessed with some of the best friends in the world. Countless hours shared laughing, raising our children so closely together they could have been siblings, talking about forever as if we were a married couple planning retirement. 

I think those type of friendships are rare. I think in the end you start thinking about the beginning. It's amazing what 5 years has changed about our life. To think, we thought we knew so much then. Parenthood, marriage and now friendship is humbling. It allows you to grow into something stronger, fiercer, more determined and less lost. You look at everything differently on the other side of things. 

My dear friendship is over and I'm left with this hollow hole straight through me that threatens to bubble up into a complete mental break down at any moment. It feels a bit like watching life through a horrific funny house. I feel like I'm on the other side of the glass shouting this isn't right! My life has a best friend!! Or worse, that feeling like your in a terrible nightmare and wake up and realize it isn't just a nightmare. It's scary to think of what felt like it would always be there didn't survive. 

When I was a newborn, my grandparents purchased a house and they owned that home until after I moved away from Oregon at 16 to follow my heart. As a young child there was a huge oak tree in the back yard and the front yard. One summer a horrible storm came and a lightly struck this back oak tree. It fell on the roof of my room. I remember the clean up and how sad my grandma seemed to loose that beautiful old oak tree. I "helped" carry sticks to the front yard and was sad because every seemed sad. I remember after it was all cleaned up and our roof was fixed that I wasn't at all sad.... I remember sitting in the back yard thinking that while I missed the tree to swing in, theres was sunshine in it's absence. I will hope for the sun shine to come soon. Every moment is one to grow and strengthen. 

So, with this minimal allowing raw emotion to flow.... I'm going to put one foot in front of another. I have survived worse than this, I think. Last night I was laying in bed falling asleep and one of those ridiculously perfect moments happen. Damon put his arms around me and said "I'm here". 

Knowing that simple and strong truth, I'm going to move on. Let's look forward to happiness again instead of wallowing is my sorrow and pity. 

It's almost March......... Something new is growing. 

Just for fun

Wash out hair dye? Sure! 

We made it a party in our home........ a brief, fun, silly and inspiring time.

 Enjoy the pictures :) 

One small pink strip for Aurora. Temporary hair dye is fun :)

Same dye, but darker on Daunikas deeper blonde hair. This was a great picture. It captured her "WOW!" moment. 

Winter, not completely stuck inside!

What is it about snow that makes the sparkle in it just perfect the world to a child? The absolute thrill of waking up to a white world when you go to bed with no snow at all is fascinating to even me as a grown up! It was so exciting to my kids this one beautiful morning that they could not even both to get dressed first! Oh so much FUN with them in the snow!

And so begins Daunikas adventure in the backyard!  

Nothing like fresh snow to make you want to RUN!

And explore.... 

And run some more. This time with the dog chasing you...... 

You must of course eat some snow too! 

But do NOT leave behind the little sister, by the time she wakes up, gets a sweater on and boots, she's panicked and screaming... But quickly shushes up with hot cocoa for breakfast! 

Beautiful isn't it?

Such simple beginnings..

Life really is as simple as you want it to be. You can find awe and wonder in any thing and every thing. However, this weekend wasn't one of those weekends. It was the type of weekend you put on clean jeans fresh out of the dryer and a kid slobbers all over you. Or decides to scream and pull your hair at 2 am. 3 am. 4 am. And well... 5 am of course. It was one of those weekends that tempers flared and emotional reactions created a wound of a lifetime. It was the type of weekend that started with friendships lost and lots of wine and dark chocolate.

Today is Sunday. Sabbath. A day of ritual for so many. But today, I was reminded of all the mothers and fathers that have spent countless hours walking the hallways of churches. The days that you wonder why you even bothered if your kids were just going to cry. And then, in the simplest of hugs or smiles from others who want to help but recognize you might smack them or burst into tears, you realize people matter. 


My oldest child, bless her, was such a high needs baby. Or was it that I was such a high strung mother? Either way, that first year was stressful! Countless hours up all night rocking, bouncing, soothing, singing, loving. That is the scars that I built a lifetime of happiness on. And I say scars with the highest of honor. Those memories burnt into my mind like a favorite scripture that saved you at a weak point. What is funny about that stressful first year, is somehow it's past. Long gone is my child who needs me every moment. When did my 5 year old become so indepedent? The child that bounces out of her seat and rushes to her Sunday class? Oh what a blessing to have fostered such a home that builds children with such assurance that we will absolutely be there when she's done with her class or before if she needs us.

But while one child ran happily away, another was screaming in my ear. Damon and I played pass the baby for a bit. Then theres the Ergo on the back trick that was ruined by a woman standing close with a donut and coffee that he felt he NEEDED during opening prayer! Oh, and did I mention I tried leaving him in the nursery... It lasted about 90 seconds before the water works began. My darling husband took him to the nursery to play happily with Daddy so I could have about 20 seconds of peace to obsorb the feeling of our service before..... Enter Aurora. Streaming tears, crawls into my lap. Sits there about 2 minutes before I'm quickly chopped liver and she wants Daddy.

Whoa. What a service. I'm not even sure I could tell you what it was about. But I felt loved through it all. I had come home. BUUF seemed so far away and distant before. I realized, perhaps it was me who was far away.

Today it occurred to me how ironic Daunika's first year of high needs was. Declan is in the stage of stranger and separation terror. This extends to even Damon some days! He screetches at the top of his lungs if I set him down to even cook a meal. Thank you heaven for my ergo, but seriously? There are nights when Declan sleeps through the night and others when he pulls hair constantly. He is a velcro cling-on that is allergic to being away from me!

And poor Aurora. Such a quiet and fun child. She's got this wicked cough thats lingering and it just breaks my heart. Over a week ago, She just sobbed for me to snuggle her. She is still so young when you realize how much she needs you. I admit to being both irritated to not be able to knit and intensely happy to get to do nothing but snuggle her to sleep.

It is one of those Sundays that you look at the last 3 days and your dark circles under your eyes paint a picture of one tired mama....

So much so, my darling Aurora snapped this picture of me. I apparently fell asleep in the living room Saturday night. I'm not really sure when and how I made it to bed, but woke up to Declan needing me in the middle of the night, again.

It is just a needy time. Oh so worn. 

Grow Toward the Light

I have shocked everyone, I have kept not one, but two indoor plants alive. Astonishing isn't it? I believe we're always learning, growing, seeking, improving. And in keeping these two simply plants alive, I have learned something amazing...... They are a metaphor for living.

Above my kitchen sink, near my window, hangs my baby ivy plant. In a simple bowl, suspended from the air, that plant stays. It's rather small, and quite unobtrusive into our lives. Yet, it understands the fundamentals of life. It survives. It knows what it needs and seeks exactly that. I must provide it's soil and water, but thats not enough... it needs the light.

Don't we all? I don't just mean sunshine..... While that is so necessary, theres more than just sun shine that can bring light into our lives. My simple little plant has displayed the perfect fact - We all grow toward the light. I think we do. Not too many people I know surround themselves with misery. In fact, I'd say the opposite. We chose the higher points in life. When faced with stress or letting go, I think we let go.

This can apply to spirituality in a big way. Whatever you call it, whatever you want to use as your comfort term - It is the same as that tiny plant of mine. We seek the light. We seek the way of life that fits us. I'm of the belief that Truth is truth, no matter what human terminology you place on it. God, Heavenly Father, Energy, The Spirit, Buddah, Messiah, Lifes force.... Those are not terms used by anyone but us... We use them to help us understand something bigger. Something that calls the soul to reach up and do more than idle.

My last 8 months has been a difficult one, Spiritually. For many years, I attended service at a local UU fellowship. While I felt it was where my cup was filled partially, there was no way I could deny I hurt to see so few families bonding. Maybe it was just me, maybe it was a hard year for people, maybe I missed the damn boat and it never came back to pick up the late.... Who knows. I went searching... I decided that I would be open. I found something beautiful. While trying to mash myself into the wrong 'religion' - I found the love for seeking again.

I love learning, I love constantly growing, seeking, searching. I think we always should strive to better ourselves, to always grow. So, this morning, while cutting strawberries and enjoying a cup of ok coffee, I realized my plant had the right idea....

Grow Toward the Light.... 

Whatever that means to you, may you never stop growing. May you always seek the light. There is power in searching and seeking. What you'll find along the way is stunning, beautiful, life changing and always room to grow more.

Namaste. 

January - a GREAT beginning for 2011.

Another month is gone? Where in the world did time fly? I cannot believe 1/12th of the year is done with already. Shesh. We spent it relaxed and together. We celebrated our oldest turning 5 and me turning 24. We enjoyed movie time together, monopoly jr wars for ticket booths, and I managed to perfect wheat bread. Shall we take a peak into our lovely month? Lets.

Occasionally, it's nice just to have some pictures with just one or two of the kids.

In our case, it's rocket science to get all smiles... This is a friggin amazing event. TWO pictures with two different children? All happy and looking and all that jazz? Whoa.

And well.... Declan has decided that he's going to take after his awesome dad and have the COOLEST bed head ever.

And in order to get those awesome bed-head pictures... occasionally, though rarely in my humbled opinion, this sweet boy of mine does need to sleep... and you get awesome frame worthy moments like this.

And theres that mention of perfect bread? YES! My AWESOME AND AMAZING MOTHER IN LAW gave me a wonderful gift recently! A KitchenAid mixer? Hold the phone, I really said that.... And loookie!!!

That lovely dough right there turns into two yummy loaves in about 3 hours. The best reflection on my bread is not my own opinion, but my husband, who told me very pointedly, I made the best bread he had ever tasted ever and he usually hates bread. Be still little heart of mine.

What a GREAT face.

And this one... Ha. You'd swear we starve our kids!

I fit in a great book to journal along with

There was a lot of block castles built.

I got some pretty amazing hugs.

And, Daunika, Seriously... I LOVE your creativity when you do your own hair. LOVE IT.

Welcome February.