Dear Lady at the Grocery Store

Dear Older Lady at the Grocery Store,

Thank you for trying to help me today. My sweet baby was indeed very determined to climb out of the cart screaming at the top of his lungs while my toddler was dumping an entire new pack of mints on the ground and my kindergartner was laughing hysterically at us.

What I couldn't say in that moment was how much I appreciated you offering to hold my baby, though I declined because he's a bit afraid of strangers at the moment. I wanted to embrace you and tell you how much you represent what is missing from the world - a village of compassionate and empathetic souls supporting each other. You smiled with laugh lines and laughed that all-too-knowing-laugh as you said "They really do grow so fast, you are doing great".

In that small moment of time, I was just trying to be a Mom. Nothing special, not a super hero or a wonder woman with a cape - just a mom in tune with her babies trying to hold it together as I braved both Costco and Winco back to back. I hope you weren't offended by my not handing my baby over. I know that my sweet baby would have just screamed loudly in protest and that would make my mama heart ache terribly. What I wish I could do though was slow down and embrace you for reaching out in such a gentle way. As I drove home, I just wanted to cry because I felt so much gratitude for what you represent to me in our community. You took my decline with class and in that moment you encouraged me both to know these precious babies are slipping through my fingers and you campaigned for my worth by asserting your sweet "you are doing great", even though I completely blew you off to focus on those crazy littles of mine.

So, darling older lady at the grocery store, don't give up on us young moms. We're in the trenches. We're weary and sometimes it feels like we can't ask for help. I beg you, keep reaching out to us - we need you even if we don't know how to accept the help in the moment!

Thank you compassionate soul, you really made an impact in my day and I feel an overwhelming love for you - a complete stranger who simply was kind.

Sincerely,

The Mom with the crying baby, the messy toddler and the goofy kid.

This crazy life!

Shesh. What can I say?

Life isn't EVER expected. It's better. It's worse. It's never in a comfortable middle.

When I can not control what happens - I CAN control my response to whatever comes my way. When I get stressed, I start over thinking and realize that I adore my life in all it's complexities - so I might as well get on with loving it!

We've had some crazy couple months but when I think about the moments that stand out to me the most, it is always the joy and exploration with my family. Hopefully things slow down a bit and I can begin to blog a bit again regularly - for now, here's just a photo dump of our crazy lives. 

Damon turned 31 this year. And we got to enjoy a quick trip to Salt Lake City with some good friends. It was so fun to watch our kids explore new places and since me and just the kids took a trip to Utah in May - they were SO excited to "show Daddy" everything. Oh so fun. 

Back at home, before our trip, Anaius also celebrated a birthday!

We learned that the library system has GAMES! We are a serious board game loving family. We absolutely are enjoying having some new games.

And my baby decided to headbutt our goat.... He was highly offended she wanted to come in the house. 

Daunika has turned into an amazing cook lately!

Going to work on more updates soon - but family, we're alive and well. Trying to stay humble and happy always in this crazy life of ours. 

My house is a bit lighter than it once was....

Those far wiser than me have told me a few times that time speeds up as you get older...I'm firm in the fact that I'm not "older" at all, and I'm happy in my youthful 20s, but I do seem to be on the treadmill speeding through life. One day seems to blend into another so quickly that I haven't sat down to really write up what is keeping me so busy! 

Well, Summer is here in full force. Last week Boise saw 9 days in a row of temps over 100*. This tied a previous record. It was brutal! Now, that's all fine and well right? Yes, but it's especially news when you don't have air conditioning. We survived. Barely some days. We had some great people from church invite us over for dinner (which happens to be the peak heat of the day), we hang out at the library, we went swimming, we survived. 

It's not at all our first summer without A/C - but I believe this year is different because we are missing a lot of walls and insulation currently! I know many of you have been following our progress on Facebook but for our extended family who receive this blog only by email as our family updates - here's an awesome glimpse into our demolition! 

My crazy contractor husband has drilled this statement into my brain - You measure from the top down and build from the bottom up. Alrighty then! So, after this crazy guy measured, this is us making a mess of our basement. Currently, there are 3 posts in the middle of my family room in the basement. These are serving as temporary supports as we work on the upstairs for permanent structural support.

The kids have been very involved in "breaking the house". It's amazing to look at this photo taken in June and know that this wall no longer exists in my home AT ALL! 

Before it came out though.... a whole lot of mess was made. Our best friends came to join us in breaking the house too! 

Progress.....

So, we kind of thought we would stop here. It was cleaned up and we could at least walk around. But hey... why stop there? We knew these walls weren't staying, might as well completely open it up now and use temporary supports. 

And .... if that wall mostly disappeared... why not most of the other one... 

I'll stop here and say that this is a HUGE THANK YOU to my awesome hubby, Damon. This remodel is all sorts of complex. Our 70 year old house had a huge structural deficiency. Scary. I'm so grateful for his expert opinion and hands on get-this-shit-right-the-first-time ethics. I am grateful that when I begin to feel like this project is too hard, too involved, too stressful - he pulls out his big ass brain and says "look, here's the beam calculations, here's exactly what I am going to do". He really has had enormous amounts of patience as I've stressed a bit.

This next photo you can see there is still much to be done but we're able to see how amazing it's going to be. The kids are sitting at the table, I can see them from where I took a picture in the kitchen. I can see my living room from my kitchen. This is nothing short of AMAZING!!!!!!!

The wall the fridge is on will be taken out, 100% of the kitchen is leaving (saving only the fridge, all new appliances,cabinets, everything).... But I love it so far. No longer is there a bedroom in between my kitchen and my living room folks!!



And the view from the living room looking toward the kitchen ...

We have a LOT of work to do. It's peak busy season for Damon at work so we're taking a rest at this point for a couple months. Before winter 3 very important beams for the structural integrity will need to be permanently placed. Then we'll rip out the rest of the kitchen (yep, I'm going kitchen-free for a year or three...)

We've picked out our cabinets, our tile counters (originally the plan for custom concrete cabinets but budget won this war!), we've picked out our appliances. We have blue prints that have evolved and changed, re-printed, and I'm sure more changes will continue as we explore ripping out the entire HVAC system, redoing all the electric system because 70 years ago this house wasn't wired for the load we place on it now with electronics....

Oh oh oh.... I am SO FREAKING HAPPY TO REMODEL OUR HOME!!!!!

Consider this an open invitation, want to see it? The back door is always open folks <3

Utah trip: part one!

I cannot believe it's been almost a month since I decided to get a wild hair and head to Utah.

This first leg of my trip was excellently planned - because I didn't plan it! You see, I don't plan anything. I prefer to just live by the seat of my pants. I'm horrible at things like making lists, reading guides, all that jazz. It has it's benefits. But a couple months ago I heard two of my close girl friends talking about a trip to Moab, Utah. Somehow it ended up with me saying I wanted to go......... So alas, I went.

Thursday May 8th was full to the brim with things that needed to get done. In true fashion of my luck when I'm behind, feeling crunched and stressed before a camping trip it HAD TO RAIN. Yes, it poured buckets of rain on me while I loaded the car.

But we did not slow down! After our marathon day of go-go-go, the car was loaded and we left town about 9 pm! I decided to drive as long and as far as I could because Anaius basically sleeps through the night these days and I wanted to use that to my advantage. We made it until about 2:30 am before I needed to pull over and call it a night. We slept in a parking lot in Spanish Fork until about 7 am. At night we didn't really look around, I was just exhausted and needed sleep. But when we all woke up we realized we were across the street from a McDonalds. Hot food and a flush-able toilet after being in the car all night? YES PLEASE.

This is the sunrise that woke us about 6:30/7 am in Spanish Fork Utah as seen through my windshield. Not a bad way to wake up at all.

So after a crappy breakfast of biscuits and sausage from the red and yellow giant, we finished our drive to Moab. We spent several hours in Goblin Valley climbing rocks, hiking, I took a nap and we had a yummy lunch.... then we technically made it to Moab!

While in Moab, we stayed at a great friends place. Literally, we camped on her parents lawn. They were so nice for letting us do that! When in Moab, you don't spend much time at all in your campsite.... Especially not when Janet's planning the day. I am the least planning oriented person in the world. I literally go with the flow, without agenda, usually all my life. My friend Janet is the exact opposite. She had books piled in the front window of her 15 passenger van of hikes, trails, guides, etc. She is the ultimate guru to take places when you want to see everything. I was so content to just join this busied pace for a few days :)

Our first adventure Saturday was Dead Horse Point, then we went hiking at Canyonlands National Park. While I loved both, it was stressful to me to be at Canyonlands. I don't want to hike there again with young kids. Certainly not husbandless either!

Before we started too much adventuring - we snapped a GREAT photo of our whole crew - Kurt & Monica (she grew up in Moab!) with 4 of their kids, Stephen and Janet with 9 of their children and me with my crazy 5 children! WOOT!



Damon laughed at me about why I wanted to go to Moab.... He said "Aren't they just rocks to look at?".... Yes. He's absolutely correct. Why in the world did I need to go play tourist when I could just google a photo of it? Well, because it's different. I've debated even posting photos of where we went because of his comment (and I was super sensitive about his comment, it made me cry!)... but I absolutely LOVED seeing Moab. The rocks are indeed just rocks but it's incredible. Peaceful and awe-inspiring. I did decide that next time I go back, I want to just wonder. To not have an agenda. To explore without a guidebook and potentially without kids someday too. Mom mode + vacation planned hiking is a sure fire way to make me not really soak up the sights because I'm a bit too distracted.... but I'm so glad I went!!

Plus, my really awesome children had fun.

This is the view from one hike we did in Dead Horse Point.

We had fun watching the kids catch this lizard.. but it should be noted that lizards and chipmunks are HAZARDS to young children hiking near cliffs. The kids get distracted, want to chase them/catch them and forget the cliff is there. Oye!! Several of us parents had to sternly correct our children while hiking.

But hey, in a safe place, a lizard was indeed caught and we learned (after it's tail fell off) that their tails fall off to help them escape prey. It will grow back in about 2 years.

It was so fun to be there with some of my best girl friends. We had a blast. Climbed to new heights and tested the "if it's a clear day, you can see for 200 miles" statement *(though it wasn't completely clear)*

And when hiking, we found whimsical beauty... this lovely step with a heart shaped hole is a great example.

The next day was Sunday... Mothers Day 2015... Arches National Park here we come!

We are crazy and decided to wake up at 6:30 am, wake all our tired children up and hike them up a famous path to Delicate Arch.

And we made it!

Daunika was thrilled to stand under the famous arch. She looked so tiny compared to it!

Next on the agenda was Sand Dune Arch!

And well... when Janet says "Hey Macy, let's climb up this thing!".... I do.... except, she didn't.
So, that crazy idiot in the hat at the top of the arch? Yes, that's me.

So, Aurora must get it from me... She is an amazingly STRONG little one. She climbed some serious rocks while at Arches.

And up another rock...

Going up was great... Going down? Well, let's just say that after this 10 day trip, one pair of jeans no longer had a bum for Aurora.


Regrets: Not seeing more. Being seriously out of my normal physical capacity. Feeling too structured. Not taking enough pictures of people. Not wearing sunscreen... ouch.

Perks of the trip: Bonding with friends. Beautiful sights. Exploration of new places. Watching my children have so much fun. Great sleep at the end of long days.

Goal: Come back when all kiddos are a bit older AND BRING DAMON... because these rocks are cool!

I really loved it. I can't wait to go back!!!

Those were the first three days of my trip....... But there's more!

Camping season has begun!

Our camping season has begun with a BANG! 

Can I just say it: I adore camping. I really really do. It is our chance to slow down, relax, explore and play. This camping season for us started last weekend. Damon is working about 2.5 hours away from our home with some stellar clients and we were talking all about lodging options when I stumbled across camping nearby!

Last weekend we explored completely unknown to us areas of Idaho: Lake Walcott.... and last weekend it was freezing. Literally, it hailed/sleet/rain/slush mixed all night long with crazy winds!

Here's some quick snaps from last weekend:

Our campsite was tucked in the trees with no one around and water to enjoy listening to as we rested. It was awesome. There was plenty of paved trails and the kids spent hours on their bikes going all over. 

And while it's not AT ALL my preference to camp at "paid and maintained" campsites - at least we had toilets and the kids loved the playground within walking distance!

Lots of fun was had.... but we were cold most of the first weekend.

This is my favorite photo of us the first weekend!! 

Our second weekend at Lake Walcott was completely the opposite. Instead of 55*/35* and windy, it was 80*/50* and AMAZING!!!!!!!! 

The water was so peaceful and beautiful. I loved sitting next to the water and playing cards with the kids. Farkle flip, yhatzee, skip bo... on and on :)

And the best part? At 7 pm every night, we picked up this gorgeous man. 

And this little guy... He was a crazy loon the whole time. 

He spent both weekends like this:

While the other kids did this: 

And... In case you were curious, I will be CAMPING for 17 of the 30 days this month. 

BRING ON THE CAMPING !!!!!!!!!!!! 

If you give Macy a cookie....

Friends, I'm a natural born gypsy. I prefer to wonder where the breeze blows me and not commit to staying any one place too long. Imagine my surprise when my heart turned toward planting roots and staying last year as I longed to buy a home of my very own.... and it happened! None of this to news to any of you lovely folks following my blog but sometimes it sneaks up on me as a surprise still, especially since I purchased a home that I was renting!

Well, that gypsy personality is still here, loud and clear ringing in my head... but not in the ways you might think. No, I have no desire to move. Buying a home was a killer process that kept me from many nights of sleeping, I'm not likely to want to do that again for another couple decades. Instead, my gypsy soul was best described by a dear friend and confirmed completely by my husband : I am EXACTLY like the books "If you give a mouse a cookie (moose a muffin, pig a pancake, etc)... Like, literally, that so perfectly fits me I could try to deny it but every one around me would roll their eyes and laugh knowing all too well that I'm stellar at not planning anything but instead, I can roll with anything that comes at me. Blessing and a curse I promise you! 

Here's a stellar example - A couple years ago, I was thinking about self sufficiency. I was thinking how self reliance mattered to me and pondering if I was doing "all I could do" with the resources I had... so that lovely question lead me to reading many books on self reliance and homesteading on small properties. And reading about homesteading lead me to learn about tiny livestock options for the back yard homestead. Reading those books lead me to learning about goats. Learning about goats lead me to searching, and searching lead me to "go look at some goats" (to which my husband said "if you are just going to look, why do you have the trailer attached to your vehicle?!"... uhhh....) And that "looking" ended up with two amazing goats in the back of my trailer for a few days while we set up fencing, built a shelter, all in the middle of winter and our well froze over in the middle of all that............. yea. Well, I am getting better about planning but it's NOT my strong suit at all. 

Owning this home is no exception to my whimsical and wondering thoughts and desires. I want to knock down walls, renovate the kitchen, add a bathroom, get a concrete pad out by the shop, grow some grass to play in, plant more fruit trees.... yadda yadda yadda. My poor husband works endless hours toward our personal and professional goals and I worry that sometimes all I display is my discontent with what I have in front of my eyes. Yes, I'm the master at introspective thoughts in hindsight! So, this lovely little dialog is to bring me to our recent "macy was given a cookie" project! 

I forgot to take a true "before" picture. Our mailbox was a sad sorry sight. That rusted thing looks like it had been hit by a car then pounded back out with a hammer to continue to use it! The lovely thing on the left is our new mailbox... but really, we have a white house, more white might be a bit too boring for a home that was mine, don't you agree?

So we set to work... 

And we were completely serious. We're professionals at fixing houses... We told the kids NO messing around. No jokes. No laughter..... HA! Totally joking. We had a blast and let them truly "do it yourself" because it's their home too!

And this is what we came up with....

And because I'm miffed that I don't have a before picture... Here's the before picture for the up and coming project!

Yes, I am painting that boring white door YELLOW too! And the tan surrounding it? It's going deep blue. And that deep blue is going on shutters around the windows. .... and well, I'm sure I'll come up with something to put in those empty pots. And and and.......

We are going to have some stellar changes in this house, I promise. What exactly? I have no idea, I'm about as great as planning as you would expect a 2 year old to be. Isn't it lovely that my husband is the exact opposite? He's saved the house from me tearing it apart and being overwhelmed with his thorough planning... sigh. Smart man, I'm sure... patient too to live with me. 

Many more blogs to come as I get wild hairs to tear apart and beautify this home of mine!

Survival Instincts

Today sucked. 

I wish I could open with something better for this blog update, but really, I'm just tired and weary tonight. That's OK. Tomorrow is a new day! 

Last night I went out with friends. As midnight came and went as we enjoyed junk food from IHOP, we laughed and cried and laughed some more. None of us facing exactly the same challenge. None of us asking each other to put the best foot forward, we just sat together in empathy and true friendship. It was so uplifting...

But alas, a great night out cannot undo the built up stress of late. So today, I feel crappy.
Dumb.

This week when I was at the temple with my husband, I was pondering our survival instincts. Ya know, those ones that naturally kick in without you actively thinking about them? Yea. Those ones. Push turn to shove - we absolutely have them in our home. When we're crunched and stressed and just feeling blah.

I realized, when the world seems like a cold and dreary place - we circle the wagons! 

Sometimes I refer to myself as a ostrich. I've had to make several very important calls this week. Some financial mountains had to be scaled. Some routine things. Some new and exciting things. That's a lot to face in a week!

Often times our circling the wagons comes out as play. We want to hide from the world and just absorb all that is good within our walls.

We also set goals when we're stressed. 

Or do things that likely make our neighbors think we are completely insane. 

We celebrate the little things, because they are big things to us. 

We take naps, read books and snuggle with our favorite people!

and the routine things seem like great accomplishments!

And sometimes, routine appointments lead to fun new glasses!

Laughter cures all woes 

And the simple homemaking tasks can make you smile with pride. 

And sometimes, you just have to get outside in the sunshine and get dirty!

Besides, when you're outside at our place, you have these funny little animals follow you around. 

And then, there is the "I have no idea what to do either, let's play cards" 

Or a board game... one that Lani hasn't lost all the pieces to

When we're crunched, sometimes it helps to grow some ways that are unexpected.

I can't say I have any answers to some of the things keeping me up at night, but I can say I feel like I have everything I need. Support networks, outlets for emotions, and a healthy strong marriage that keeps me sane when I want to cry or rage about the injustice I see in the world.

It's been a crappy day but I knew flipping through our photos of the last 60 days, I'd find myself releasing stress and reminded of all the joys in my life.

Stellar way to end a crappy day. Perhaps it's not crappy after all.