Sometimes, I'm just dumb.

There. I admitted it. Sometimes, I am just dumb. I allow others to shift my decisions. I allow worry to creep up on me and grow roots in the back of my mind. I allow myself to listen to others when I should take a deep breathe and just listen to my gut.

What got to me? Hmm... That is a very complex and in depth issue involving a very complicated story that isn't mine to share.... What I can share is in recent history I felt deeply wounded by the idea of a simple common cold with my children was terribly offensive to certain people. It caused me to evaluate how others viewed the world around them and made me very critical, sometimes angry. I suddenly was furious when I was singled out but then witnessed others with children around me having runny noses and no one told them to stay at home and stay away from their kids.

Like I said, it got complicated. Really complicated. Let's top that with the fact my mother had a major heart attack last week. This was a terrible blow to me in a way that I haven't allowed myself fully think about yet. I need a safe place to process and currently I can't find that place. I'm counting the days until my husband is home more! I'll have a good cry and allow that to process soon. Right now, one foot in front of the other. Focus on supporting my mom.

Faced with the complicated issue of having been told to keep sick kids to themselves (we're not talking full blow illness, we're talking the common cold), my mom being in ICU with a paralyzed heart and pneumonia attacking her poor body, and generally feeling alone lately - asking my husbands advice was probably taken harshly and I didn't advocate for my inner gut feelings. I heard my failures, not his words. I heard doubt that crept in and made me feel terrible.

DUMB. 

So what did I do? I drug my perfect healthy children to a doctors visit for the first time in two years. We have never taken our children to a physicians appointment for a cold, not once. In fact, in the nearly 6 years we have been parents, my children have never had a single ear infection, a single flu that wasn't short lived in their strong bodies, not a single need for antibiotics or drugs. Ever.

What in the hell made me think they would now? Even when everything inside of me said I was reacting to others, not acting to my mom intuition - I woke them all up from sleeping happiness and carted them to a silly appointment.

I'm thankful for our doctor though. In fact, after listening to their lungs, checking their oxygen levels, looking in their noses, ears and throats - I was told that they've never seen such healthy "sick" kids. LOL There was no inflammation of the ears or nose. No rattling of the lungs and the coughing didn't sound worrisome. The oxygen levels were flawless and our children had not stopped eating, drinking, had no fevers, no snot or mucous to worry about.

I basically was a giant idiot as I stood there and realized that I knew that. I KNEW my children were fine. These are not someone else's kids that are sick often and have weak immune systems.

These are my babies.

 And like all children, from time to time they will catch a cold.

 They are still loved and welcome in the world. 

They are happy. 

Well, at least I thought to snap a picture of my dumb mistake this morning :)