My Front Door.

"There is just one way to bring up a child in the way he should go, and that is to travel that way yourself." ~Abraham Lincoln

Oh how true this simple quote is. What did you hope would come of your children as you raised them? Did you want them happy? Joyful? Intelligent? Did they need love? Family values? Work ethic? Did they need a family?

Well, I hope that if the 'way I travel myself' is the way my children are brought up echoes this one fact: We are here to love each other. I cannot think of a better way to express how deeply I feel about this issue. As the holiday season is in full swing - I am filled with bittersweet happiness. There will be no family coming into town to stay. No joyous laughter among our roots, connecting with each other. No deep conversations, or blissful silence over a game of chess. At least, none of this with 'extended family'

We ABSOLUTELY will be having joyous laughter and connection. Despite being a small family, you bet your bottom we will make our holidays a big celebration!! There will be deep conversation (have you met my children? Inquisitive much?) and there will be blissful silence - although that will probably come after bedtime when we nearly fall over dead from the fun!

But even still, something is missing. So, without consulting with my husband or children first - I am going to go out on a bow and hope it holds strong:

Come. Visit. Be Welcomed. Be Family. 

This Christmas we will celebrate TEN YEARS together, Damon and I. A decade? Really? Indeed. Christmas of 2000 began our lives together... what a beautiful memory. 

When we left Seattle, we did not leave on great terms. We weren't very close with my mother in law Leslie. My father in law and his wife hated me, and my brother in law barely tolerated me... So when we got the chance to move, we did. Although our path is very different than we imagined it - it has been so much FUN!!! 

But as I reflect on this piece of perfection I have in my life - my family - I recognize I have family that I do not, have not, or not yet, welcomed. For many reasons my heart carried scars, wounds, echoes of hurt. Be gone with it. I'm ready to redefine life as I know it - I will have an extended family, come hell or high water. 

Why? What changed? 

Thats a great question... How do you explain the woes of the world to a 4 year old? Recently my very best friend had both her mother and father come visit her. As she is about to welcome her 3rd child into their family, what a beautiful thing it was to watch such family support... except it came with such sorrow stirred in my soul. My daughter wanted to know why josh had a grandpa and they did not. How do you explain that people don't always want to connect? That we are protecting them? That we want only happiness and family-centered life choices. I'll tell ya, it aint easy! 

Daunika, for now, is content with Grandma and Grandma Leslie's love from afar.... but I don't believe it's enough. Not for a second.I'm proud to say my children love family pictures, family structure, and any time either of their grandmas send them a piece of mail, its the talk of the house for WEEKS. Something so simple like a phone call often, a card thats perfectly silly and simple, something that reminds them they are a part of something bigger than themselves... Beautiful. BUT - Ask yourself: Are you doing everything you can to connect and love your family? 

I wasn't. But I'm working on that... I've recently reconnected with my own biologically linked family and am enjoying feeling pieces fill with happiness to know that I can love people where they are at. 

So here it goes: My blog is titled my front door because it is the first thing you'll see when you are welcomed. 

This is an open invitation... 

Come. Visit. Be Welcomed. Be Family. 

If I want my children to see family-centered life - I must first start with me. I will heal the hurt that echoes from the hatred of the beginning of my marriage from outsiders, and I'll open up again to try. If this life is going to change, I'll take the first step. 

Its the holiday season, there is plenty of room, and no one is choosing to visit... But I'll make it clear: You ARE invited.