Just another week.

Run, don't walk, to the book store and buy a copy of Radical Homemakers. It's epic. You'll love it. If you get any joy at all in that 'I did it' accomplished feeling, you'll enjoy the book. I'm reading it again because frankly, I'm worn. I have had an extremely long week that has left my cup feeling like it's beyond empty. I'm tired, stressed, frazzled. I'm worried. But admits the chaos, I decided to pick up this book again to remind myself the blessings I chose to have surround me. Sometimes I think it would be easier just to be a household of consumption. To be like "others" and not feel this strong calling to honor God and our Mother Earth in all their glory by giving all I can to sustain my home. Recently I became the joke of some, in kindness, that laughed that I must be super-human to even try to get all I wanted done in a day.

Not so. I'm just me. I get up early to read or knit, I sit down in the middle of the day to write blogs to refill my cup. I spend an hour or more outside with my children, chickens and goats because it suits me. It's not super human anything, it's respect for something far bigger than me. I cannot begin to list the accomplishments I have made by aligning myself with that greatness that is in all of us. I just honestly never expected to find my alignment calling me to be a homesteader.

This weekend was a scary one. That little one that is tucked in my arms so securely had a seizure. Not something we haven't had happen before with our oldest years ago, but something that rocks your mothering intuition to the core and makes you stay up for 40+ hours watching your little ones breathe, every moment making sure they are looked after. About 4 am, you fall into a heap of exhaustion only to have your alarm clock scream at you at 6:40 am. Another day begins the same - mothering is not for the weak or weary. It demands you to be more than you thought you could be.

Kalani's hospital bracelet is wrapped around a sweet potato plant I'm growing with care this year. A reminder as I stand in the kitchen that life is fragile and I should honor it more. I should dive in more and tend it with care. The mere image of the growing sweet potato plant with the hospital bracelet gives me pause and causes my soul to stir. It's a summary of why I home stead - for them and for something bigger that aligns with healthy souls - and shows that in the middle of chaos and stress, something beautiful is growing if you tend it with care.

Our hens are laying again. This is yesterdays bounty of eggs the girls collected in the afternoon. It's a lovely sight indeed. On the chicken front, our homestead is quieter these days. We no longer have our two roosters, they made it to the stock pot after drawing blood on our children and becoming far too aggressive to be acceptable in our lives. The process wasn't one that was glamorous or fun by a long stretch. Our kids watched with a mixture of fascination, relief and sadness as we prayed over our chickens that lived a good life while they were with us. I pondered if I ever truly realized where my food came from as a child. I knew how to garden very young and respected my grandparents for their accomplishments as farmers and cattle herders. But did I really respect it? No, I think not. Not the way that I do now, not the way I want my children to understand the system either.

When Kalani had a seizure Saturday night, our hearts dropped and we panicked for who to call. A lovely woman from my church stepped right up the moment I called for help. It was 9:45 at night, I didn't want to haul all our children to the hospital to stay in a tiny cramped space while we waited to figure out what to do next. It would have been more stressful than needed and I'm so blessed to have a community of support in my life. Though I admit, that experience quickly made me realize I didn't have too many close to me that I felt I could call at 10 pm for help. My mom no longer drives and my brother was at work until 11. But he called me the moment he got my message and came to watch our kids until we finally made it home by 2 am. This lovely loaf of bread and a dozen fresh eggs made their way to the lady from church yesterday. Even though my baby is still very sick and never out of my arms, something stirred in me to thank them with what I had. I cannot offer them some elaborate anything, but the fresh loaf out of the oven and eggs that were fresh from that day were offered with love and light and true thanksgiving. I hope they know how much I appreciate their help during our panicked rush to get to the ER.

In true Idaho fashion, last week we all enjoyed spring-like weather. This week, snow and freezing temps. My poor goats! My poor chickens. My poor KIDS! I think we're all feeling a bit like caged animals but luckily they loaded themselves up yesterday with coats and boots and went out to play for an hour or two while I held a sleeping sick little one.

I am longing for spring but while it's not here yet, I'll sit here and rock this little one and knit a baby gift. I'll read books to children for hours and bake bread, make a pot of beans and sip coffee while I wait to go outside. I have a laundry list of things to accomplish this week about a mile long that doesn't seem to be getting shorter, but for now, I'll sit and rock and pray and hope this tiny soul gets better soon.

Homestead On: Goats

Yep, we're goat owners. The beginning of January brought us a lovely opportunity to grow our homestead by adding goats. This wonderful addition is not without a lot of prayer and accepting that goat ownership is serious work. I'll be the first to admit, unless you've been there, it looks fun but it's work! I am in awe of the wonderful men and women I know that do what they can to support themselves. These lovely goats are the first "big animals" I feel we have owned. I'm learning all sorts of things like how to vaccinate my own herd, how to tattoo a tail, how to trim hooves, filter milk and cool it quickly, the list seems endless right now. But truly, I love our goats.

Please enjoy a laugh on our behalf. It's been a wild month! 

This photo was taken on the night we brought Thelma (darker on the left) and Mama (pregnant) home. We knew it was right for us but we had nothing ready! Holy crap. So, our goats lived in the back of the trailer for a few days while we set up their pen and built them a great goat shack! They of course had food, water and we covered our trailer so they were warm and in a pen that is 6x12. Not tiny or cramped. But during this time, we went without water ourselves as it was below zero and our well froze. We would have loved to dedicate nothing but time to them but we needed water for US first. Living without a working toilet was no fun. Not to mention, building a pen and a goat shack in zero degree weather was not on my agenda when I went to "visit" them. I am so sincerely thankful for my husbands dedication to brave the freezing temps to get them a proper shelter and pen. I'm thankful for the missionaries who came to help him pound T posts in the frozen ground to secure the dog panels we had sitting around. It was a CRAZY week jumping into goat ownership!!

Damon built our goat shack completely for FREE! Woohoo!! The materials came from various projects and places, but it was really great to turn this would be garbage into 'waste not want not'. Our goats LOVE it. They jump on and off it all day and it provides multiple shelters for them.

Thelma is a little stand offish. She is wary of people being around her too much but we'll get her to come around. Time is on our side. She is about 10 months old right now, still a baby.

Mama is the opposite. She is the LOVE ON ME goat. She loves all people. She loves to be pet and loved on. She will follow the kids around and rub up against them to get their attention. She is really lovely.

So... You'll notice, in the above photos, Mama is quite large. She was carrying triplets, as I suspected. Now, when we got our goats, we were given an estimated due date of March.... Imagine my surprise when Feb 2nd I come out and see Mama much smaller and hear babies yelling for her to come back to them! I quickly yelled at the kids to go get Damon, I scooped up the two babies that were out in the snow and assessed that one of the triplets didn't make it. With no time to ponder that, Damon and I quickly wrapped up these tiny babies and brought them inside to warm them up. I was a bit panicked to say the least. I had all this stuff I was going to do... I had time right? I was going to build a birthing pen, be there for the kidding to help if needed, blah blah blah............ Nothing went as planned. Luckily Mama has done this before and after calling two friends for help, running around like an IDIOT, trying to figure out how to get Mama to deliver a placenta, tried bottle feeding baby goats... etc etc.... I mean seriously, after having four of my own babies, I didn't have bottles or a bottle warmer, nothing! So here I am, standing in Babys R Us, picking out a bottle warmer for my goats.... Yep.... Hysterical in hind sight.........  After all that, this city-raised woman decided to put the baby goats back in with their mama and stay the heck out of the way! But it's a good tale now. Laugh!

This was Mama and her buckling and doeling the night they arrived. Now, if only I had her intuition, I would have sat down and wondered at her good work instead of stressing out all night long and acting like an idiot. Oh the stories that become great memories... I got up every few hours to walk out in the 10 degree weather to stare at her. I'm amazed I made it, she clearly knew what she was doing and every time I peaked in she looked at me like "what do you want?".... Well, this city-raised-woman wants to stare. Like it's a zoo, but on my own property. And I want to help if something goes wrong, and I want to apologize it wasn't all perfectly set up for her, and and........ Seriously, lack of sleep must have brought me to apologizing to my goat at 4 am in the dark while she was asleep with her kids.

Of course, our children are absolutely smitten with the baby goats. They are tiny goats, weighing less than 2 lbs each at birth. Here's Aurora loving on Jensen - our buckling.

Jensen and Collette with our kids on Daunika's bed. They want to hold them all the time and bickered about who got to go first!

Collette and Jensen, a lovely addition to our herd indeed.

This week our tasks for our homestead will include extending our goat pen to be about the size of 1/6th of an acre. I also have great hopes for Damon to build me a milking stand and a hay feeder. We're supervising Thelma around the little ones now that they are a week old and getting around better and are super fast runners. She isn't thrilled with them, but is starting to understand that being a jerk to them results in being beating on by a protective Mama goat!

What an amazing addition, nothing like jumping in! 

Selective Neglect.

Am I really about to write a post about choosing to neglect things? 

Yep. Buckle in folks, this is worth it. 

Hear me out. 

That still small voice inside me that wonders have I done enough, am enough, can be enough exists. It is not glamorous or friendly, it's a vicious ugly bitch who rears her head in the thick of things when I am feeling less than ideal. I'm hoping to find this voice even smaller in the future because once upon a time this voice that was the internal monolog of disarrayed thoughts that serve no purpose. Sometimes I think as a society we're not talking enough about doubt or disappointment. We've been sold a lie and it's eating at us. This lie is that we cannot talk about our troubles. As if somehow by admitting our vulnerability that we're somehow calling ourselves weak and unworthy. I'm here to call it a lie, point blank.

Mothering is the hardest most rewarding journey I've ever been on. But haven't we all heard that before? Well, sometimes this 'journey' of mine feels like a nice smooth stroll in the park where the sun is shining and birds are singing but other times it feels as if I'm locked in a roller coaster seat while screaming desperately to get off! Those days suck. They are pretty few and far between, but they exist. Usually, they pop up on those days when you hear about someone doing something awesome while you are still in your pajamas and your house is a mess. You know the kind of day I'm talking about. Then some time ago, I learned to let it go. Sure I still have my days when I know I could have done so much better, but I've learned to be selective. I learned to neglect things and I want to encourage you to neglect something selectively too. 

Now, I'm not saying you can let everything go to pot over there, but map out your day and realize you are one person. If you're like me, you are one person trying to accomplish the work of six every day. As mothers we're the cooks, taxi services, counselors, teachers and maids. I often feel I need 10 uniforms on that include my apron, combat boots, war paint, and my cape of course. Last year I heard someone I am fascinated by say the words "selective neglect" and it dawned on me - we cannot do all things, but we can choose what things we do. In today's society the merit badges earned by mothers seem to be measured by the to-do list and the kids-activities list. As if rushing from one place to another to yet another makes us more fulfilled and earns us a place in the palace above? I think not. Too many of the greats have asked us to slow down and savor. To savor this moment, you have to give something up. 

Perhaps it's the ideal of fitting in your size 6 jeans when you look lovely in an 8 and are healthy in your womanhood, maybe it's scanning all those things you've kept in the garage as mementos of your life before kids and then throw them away and build yourself some new shelves! Each and every time I add something to my plate, I have something I have to give up. It's not a sad fact at all, it is the core of the evolution of the soul that is this journey called my life. 10 years ago when I moved to Idaho, I swore I wouldn't stay. I wasn't married, I certainly didn't want children and I was going back to the city the very moment I could. And then something happen...... I lived. As I couldn't seem to plan my life, I learned to live in the moment better. It started with I do, then 4 kids, 1 dog, 2 cats, 26 chickens and 2 goats later... here I am telling you that I do NOT do it all. Each and every addition to this life that surrounds me is purposeful. 

I have absolutely no idea what is on TV anymore, I don't own one. While I love movies and curling up to watch a great family flick, I don't have time with this life of mine. I don't have a new car anymore that's in flawless shape. Yes, my vanity at once was tied to a car I loved dearly and symbolized that I did get what I wanted, but I have got to tell you that my dented older suburban Betty is rad. My days are filled with children sun up to sun down and contrary to popular belief, I don't have super human patience. I get OUT of this house and give up time with my family as a whole to save my sanity. I am not home for dinner 5-10 nights of the month, I missed my babies first steps because I chose a date night with my husband instead. I settled I worked less on working out and worked more on dedicating my life to setting a routine that worked for my whole family long term. I feel like I'm met with a cross road often and I have to select between great and great. Sometimes, things just cannot be done and I am OK with that! I hand made gifts for Christmas and will again this year... it doesn't mean I have superhuman skills, it means I sacrifice something to get it done. I have a couch in my house that I PURCHASED specifically for laundry. I shit you not, come to my house, you'll see it. Why in the world would I have a laundry couch? Well, because why not? I have the space and I'd rather pile up some clean clothes and earn something else in this moment. Maybe sometime soon I'll get rid of it if it no longer serves me, but in the tiny children stages, I chose the laundry couch. While some are folding laundry the moment it comes out of the dryer and tucking it away so nicely and swiftly, I am probably outside yelling at my son to put on some darn underwear! Or bouncing on a exercise ball with a teething grump, or sitting on a different couch sipping hot coffee with my husband. This is so my life; It suits me. 

So here is my plea : Neglect something today. Let something go that isn't serving you. Maybe you're not sure what you need to let go - so follow what moves you the strongest and follow it with all your soul and all your heart. You've got this life right in front of you, go get it. 

School Around Here!

Life is in an awesome groove. We've refined our school schedule to damn near perfection and I am LOVIN IT!!! The kids seem to thrive on it and all around we are all accomplishing more these days than ever before. We're totally eclectic in our schooling choices, so please mind not what "curriculum" we use or dont, we are busy living with a passion. We have mixed it up with reading, writing and math but there are some core things we love these days: The Story of the World, Life of Fred, and reading the classics!! Plus art projects, unit studies, you name it.

Here's a peak:

Right now we have a schedule of Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday: we wake up have breakfast together and from 9-12:30 we "do school". During that time we complete our core subjects a variety of eclectic ways. I am becoming stricter on not participating in any activities during these time slots to respect our education time and discipline ourselves. It's working out great!! Thursday is our homeschool co-op with more than 20 families and 115+ children. It is a great social and learning environment that acts a lot like unit studies. Friday we play board games and read a ton as school. Now, before you say "board games aren't school", let me assure you THEY ARE! My children learn sportmanship, colors, counting, rules, boundaries and how to have a good time all at once. I'm certain they have all learned their colors from Candyland. Scabble Junior and Monopoly Jr have become staples in our lives for spelling and money handling. And frankly, Uno is pretty cool too :)

Daunika's focus this week has been grammar lessons and proof reading for mistakes. She can read flawlessly but her spelling and grammar are in need of assistance. Then again, I realize she is seven, no biggie. She loves to bust out a highlighter to her own work though and find her mistakes. She is enormously good at this self correction after the fact and we've been working hard at making sure she knows mistakes happen but they aren't a sign of intelligence or stupidity.

Aurora wants to learn to read. She is frustrated that Daunika can read and she can't. Though I'm not sure she is "ready", she is passionate about trying and that is fantastic. We are going for it! Who cares how long it takes.

Declan is counting to 15 these days, knows all his colors, and can sing most nursery rhymes with ease. I'm stunned by his eagerness to read about trains and all things related to trains. Such a little man.

Happy Little House on the Prairie Birthday, Daunika!

Birthdays are something to celebrate. Birthdays are exciting, fun, and well... not just for kids! If I thought birthdays were something I loved as a child, I can tell you I love them so much more as a mother preparing exciting happenings for my kiddos!

Daunika turned 7 this month and in our homestead tradition, on the actual day of her birth we let our kiddos decorate a cake ANY WAY THEY WANT! This year was a tad nuts though. Our well was frozen, we lived without running water for days. This was the first year I bought a cake for her to decorate, but hell would have to freeze over before I would miss this tradition. The day was saved by Monica & Kurt bringing us dinner and we were thrilled to share with them a piece of yummy cake :)

Here is Daunikas creative process and her lovely cake! 

There might not be enough on there... add some more right?

And a few weeks later, we had a fantastic, simple, relaxing fun-filled party for her, Little House on the Prairie Themed (her choice!)

Here's a peak into our decorations:

We set up "Penny Candies" in mason jars, but I forgot to find pennies so it was a free for all :) This idea came from Little House in the Big Woods when Laura gets to go to the mercantile with her father.

Next up, we had popcorn! And other snacks, but the popcorn balls were especially chewy and hysterical because Damon and I had never made them before and we made them so they glued your mouth shut almost. Whoops. Oh well, the kids loved them! And we had traditional butter & salt popcorn! In Farmer Boy, they pop corn as a treat!

Each girl had a bonnet and apron. Daunika worked diligently at marking 10 aprons. They were awesome and she was so proud of herself! 

The girls had a great time. Paper dolls, finger knitting, coloring pages and of course - cake and ice cream! 

What a great theme. I'm so glad she chose it! 

Homestead On!

Ah... the good life.

Well, the mostly, almost there, sometimes chaotic, very real, totally messy, utterly fantastic life.

In the wake of my 26th birthday, I sit and reflect as people speed by living the 'young life' how did this creep up on me?! When did people start being adults and younger than me? Holy shit! Now, I'm not saying I feel old by any stretch.. but more so, I feel established. It's not anything to gloat, just a fact that feels of great comfort to me. To reach out to someone who might be re-establishing or trying something for the first time to uplift them in the newness.

Last night I sat up late with a good friend who asked me a pretty simple question - how did I learn to be a mother? Holy heck, I have no idea. I figured out what not to do, yet fall short and sometimes do those things I shouldn't. Oh, how funny life is when something simple has to wondering about your path in life.

Things around here are zooming by at lightning speed. I rarely knit, I don't have time to blog, I don't have time to do much but BE. For so long my dear blog has sat as a beacon of light to me, a place of public introspection and reflection. A place to share my joy. My sorrow. My vulnerability in hopes to take away it's power of misunderstanding.  But, I rarely have time these days! Perhaps I should reevaluate... when I have time. LOL

So, what in the heck are we doing around here? Hmmm...

Capturing snapshots on my phone as I just sit with kiddos in my lap.

Watching the creative process that a train set invokes in Declan!

Finding all my girls on the TOP bunk of the bunk beds... Ah. Heart attack. Had to explain why Lani cannot be up on the top bunk.

Seeing our big kid lose her 4th tooth.... but instead of losing it - she pulled it out!

Oh ya... and that homesteading thing? Well.... We are progressing there too! Meet Mama (right) and Thelma (darker on the left). They are our registered dairy goats!

Oh so much to say..... but alas, homestead calls. Laundry to fold and baby to rock to sleep. Onward I go :)

Happy New Years!!

As I sit here with my four children literally running around happily in front of my eyes, I wonder how in the hell I made it this year. Like each year, this was one of stretching beyond anything I ever imagined. We climbed higher mountains and fell hard sometimes. It was a beautiful year of reflection, determination and values.

One of my favorite things to do each new year is look at a photo of each of my children 1 year apart from the time it was taken. I've blogged this for the last several years - here we go!

This is Daunika December of 2011.

And this December... As it turns out, Daunika is often photographed while doing something. She rarely likes to look at the camera and is usually buried behind a book.

Aurora has changed in leaps and bounds. Such a lovely young lady we have. This is Dec 2011

And Dec 2012...

Declan :) Dec 2011

And now, Declan Dec 2012

And of course, last December we welcomed Kalani

And our 1 year old now...

What a difference a year can make!

We moved this past year... and vowed to never again live in a subdivision or try to be in that box that strangled us to death. I love the liberty and freedom to rise up and do what is best for us. I loved my subdivision lifestyle when I had it, and then it wasn't right for us anymore. We are just renting this lovely home for now and are already plotting where we'll wonder next with more land!

We decided life was too short not to own a trampoline!

We sat and watched a few sunsets in peace

I learned to back up a trailer! Actually, once you get it, it's not that hard at all. 

Forts and tents were built. Siblings bonded. Life rolled steadily. 

So, here's to an amazing 2012! I hope each of us grew, changed, stretched and reached for the sky. Life is too amazing to not go for it. 

Every year I try and set some goals..... This year, I will do it again! 

I want to try again at being the best version of me. To constantly grow, change, move forward, strive for nothing short of excellence. To life up those around me, to stand on the shoulders of the giants in my life to reach higher, to learn to listen to the Spirit, to bring up my children with joy and dedication. To laugh and love and commit to giving more than I ever had. 

I can't wait!