Selective Neglect.

Am I really about to write a post about choosing to neglect things? 

Yep. Buckle in folks, this is worth it. 

Hear me out. 

That still small voice inside me that wonders have I done enough, am enough, can be enough exists. It is not glamorous or friendly, it's a vicious ugly bitch who rears her head in the thick of things when I am feeling less than ideal. I'm hoping to find this voice even smaller in the future because once upon a time this voice that was the internal monolog of disarrayed thoughts that serve no purpose. Sometimes I think as a society we're not talking enough about doubt or disappointment. We've been sold a lie and it's eating at us. This lie is that we cannot talk about our troubles. As if somehow by admitting our vulnerability that we're somehow calling ourselves weak and unworthy. I'm here to call it a lie, point blank.

Mothering is the hardest most rewarding journey I've ever been on. But haven't we all heard that before? Well, sometimes this 'journey' of mine feels like a nice smooth stroll in the park where the sun is shining and birds are singing but other times it feels as if I'm locked in a roller coaster seat while screaming desperately to get off! Those days suck. They are pretty few and far between, but they exist. Usually, they pop up on those days when you hear about someone doing something awesome while you are still in your pajamas and your house is a mess. You know the kind of day I'm talking about. Then some time ago, I learned to let it go. Sure I still have my days when I know I could have done so much better, but I've learned to be selective. I learned to neglect things and I want to encourage you to neglect something selectively too. 

Now, I'm not saying you can let everything go to pot over there, but map out your day and realize you are one person. If you're like me, you are one person trying to accomplish the work of six every day. As mothers we're the cooks, taxi services, counselors, teachers and maids. I often feel I need 10 uniforms on that include my apron, combat boots, war paint, and my cape of course. Last year I heard someone I am fascinated by say the words "selective neglect" and it dawned on me - we cannot do all things, but we can choose what things we do. In today's society the merit badges earned by mothers seem to be measured by the to-do list and the kids-activities list. As if rushing from one place to another to yet another makes us more fulfilled and earns us a place in the palace above? I think not. Too many of the greats have asked us to slow down and savor. To savor this moment, you have to give something up. 

Perhaps it's the ideal of fitting in your size 6 jeans when you look lovely in an 8 and are healthy in your womanhood, maybe it's scanning all those things you've kept in the garage as mementos of your life before kids and then throw them away and build yourself some new shelves! Each and every time I add something to my plate, I have something I have to give up. It's not a sad fact at all, it is the core of the evolution of the soul that is this journey called my life. 10 years ago when I moved to Idaho, I swore I wouldn't stay. I wasn't married, I certainly didn't want children and I was going back to the city the very moment I could. And then something happen...... I lived. As I couldn't seem to plan my life, I learned to live in the moment better. It started with I do, then 4 kids, 1 dog, 2 cats, 26 chickens and 2 goats later... here I am telling you that I do NOT do it all. Each and every addition to this life that surrounds me is purposeful. 

I have absolutely no idea what is on TV anymore, I don't own one. While I love movies and curling up to watch a great family flick, I don't have time with this life of mine. I don't have a new car anymore that's in flawless shape. Yes, my vanity at once was tied to a car I loved dearly and symbolized that I did get what I wanted, but I have got to tell you that my dented older suburban Betty is rad. My days are filled with children sun up to sun down and contrary to popular belief, I don't have super human patience. I get OUT of this house and give up time with my family as a whole to save my sanity. I am not home for dinner 5-10 nights of the month, I missed my babies first steps because I chose a date night with my husband instead. I settled I worked less on working out and worked more on dedicating my life to setting a routine that worked for my whole family long term. I feel like I'm met with a cross road often and I have to select between great and great. Sometimes, things just cannot be done and I am OK with that! I hand made gifts for Christmas and will again this year... it doesn't mean I have superhuman skills, it means I sacrifice something to get it done. I have a couch in my house that I PURCHASED specifically for laundry. I shit you not, come to my house, you'll see it. Why in the world would I have a laundry couch? Well, because why not? I have the space and I'd rather pile up some clean clothes and earn something else in this moment. Maybe sometime soon I'll get rid of it if it no longer serves me, but in the tiny children stages, I chose the laundry couch. While some are folding laundry the moment it comes out of the dryer and tucking it away so nicely and swiftly, I am probably outside yelling at my son to put on some darn underwear! Or bouncing on a exercise ball with a teething grump, or sitting on a different couch sipping hot coffee with my husband. This is so my life; It suits me. 

So here is my plea : Neglect something today. Let something go that isn't serving you. Maybe you're not sure what you need to let go - so follow what moves you the strongest and follow it with all your soul and all your heart. You've got this life right in front of you, go get it.