Christmas Eve 2011

Since my last post was about food - it's only fitting to start this lovely post by talking about my philosophy on food on Christmas. When I was a kid, "christmas dinner" was always served on christmas mid-afternoon... Now, that would be ok right? Except the fact that I remember the look on my moms face when she spent hours in the kitchen instead of playing with us. That look never left me I suppose and I refuse to be that mom. I'm going to play with my kids on Christmas. I'm going to enjoy my own gifts and perhaps even relax with my darling husband! I am not going to be slaving in a kitchen when I could instead enjoy wonderful left overs from a lovely meal the night before.

Our family has established many traditions since we started. We attend the festival of trees as a family every Thanksgiving weekend, we bake a cake on the day of whomevers birthday it is and that person gets to decorate it however they want, we are a democracy more than a dictatorship, etc. One tradition surrounding Christmas that we love is grandma Leslie sends the kids a pair of new jammies each year, another tradition I've established is the making "christmas dinner" on Christmas Eve instead of slaving all day Christmas in the kitchen.  With this tradition I can play with my family all day and enjoy awesome yummy left overs from the night before. Furthermore, I try to make an easy and fabulous breakfast too! This year our Christmas breakfast was quiche, costco muffins, hot cocoa/hot coffee and yummy fresh fruit! It was perfect.

Our Christmas Eve was spent this year with our best friends, the Landen Family. We had an awesome meal shared together and did our annual gift exchange! And of course - I had a camera in hand!


It was awesome to watch our families gather together to finish the meal together. Kids and adults alike snacked at the table.

And after our lovely meal, presents were exchanged! 

This year, without knowing it - our adult gifts had a theme - stock the kitchen!! And of course, all bowls before making it to the kitchen must be tried on as a hat didn't you know?

Kalani's first Christmas gift :)

 Mercedes and Megan opening a gift together

 Declan dives in with big kids surrounding him to help at any second. This tool set ROCKS!!

 A puzzle from Aurora to Rosie

 The best of friends sharing a hug of gratitude. They both loved the gifts the other picked out for them. Daunika gave josh two little ninjas she found and Josh gave Daunika a beautiful little porcelin angel that opens to hold special things. Very awesome indeed!!

 Two lovely Landen girls snuggling their dad :)

 Awesome "man gifts" were given - That crazy blue thing is an air filter for Damons truck - and of course, he installed it the next day during day light!

Like I said - the theme must have been kitchens this year because Megan and Joe got us THE COOLEST POP CORN POPPER EVER. I'm not a popcorn fan usually, but holy moly this is tasty stuff - they own one and I have always said "I dont like popcorn... except yours"

 More kitchen loving!! That is my bestie with a knife - RUN! Just kidding - but we got them some lovely knives that we have loved in our kitchen and of course a sharpening steel to keep it working!

I also got to capture some Grandma snuggles. All of my kids have missed their time with my mom since her heart attack. It certainly has been a scary time for us as we pray and hope for healing, recovery and blessings for her during this time of need. I know my children try to understand, but at the core - they miss her and it sucks.

Grandma snuggles are the best though :)

And my mom loved getting to snuggle up with our newest addition to the family too!

Christmas Eve was a wonderful eve indeed!

Food from the Heart

Have you ever pondered what draws us to nourish the soul with food? Think about our greatest times of need - a funeral for a lost loved one, a baby just born to a busy family, a loved one who broke an arm or leg and could use a bit of help. Every time I think about helping someone I almost always reflect upon my culinary skills. What could I bring to share some comfort, nourishment and help? 

Kalani is two weeks old and I cannot say it's been either a difficult or an easy transition. It's a giant war. Some things have been so easy it's almost unnoticed. Other things have been like a bomb went off and we're picking up the pieces. She is an amazing baby that is so mellow and loving. Our older children are completely smitten with her without a lick of jealousy and I am falling in love with them so much daily. But let's face it - running around after a 5 year old, 3 year old and 1 year old is work. Couple that with non-stop nursing sessions in the middle of the night and this mama is exhausted! Oh, did I mention I haven't seen my darling husband but a few short hours since she was born? I miss that man dearly. 

Not that I am complaining. Please don't mistake my weariness for lack of gratitude or joy. I am bursting with the pleasure of being a mother, wife, friend and so much more. But sometimes when I get a silent moment these days, I wonder if I can accomplish everything on my short list and when in the world I'll ever get back to my long list of things to do. 

Over the last 7 years in Idaho, I have built myself some amazing friendships. I have found women and men in our community that inspire me to do better, be stronger, look at the world differently and give more. I am blessed and hope that I have blessed others with my presence in their lives and the friendship I share. Kalani is our 4th little one to welcome to our family - but the first one that I have had such a community of people to share the experience with. My own personal family is rather small, consisting of my 2 younger siblings (1 of which is in another state), my mom and a scattering of distant relatives that cannot and should not even be counted. My husbands family is even more distant than my own - both literally and their lack of knowing our family. 

You can imagine that relying of people in times of great need would be difficult when you would assume the first people to turn to would be your family. Well, I woke up today realizing my family is not small at all. In fact, it's huge. I could indeed call people in times of need. I had 'family members' that I could ask them for advice or cry on their shoulder. I had family who gave their love by bringing over a meal when my day is full and we'd probably live on cold cereal. 

I'm amazed to report - not a single cold cereal bowl has been served once since Kalani was born. My children have been blessed by our amazing family in this community with delicious meals and it's inspired me to commit to cooking more and giving them more. We've had 10 different quiches because my girls informed me it was the best way to eat any veggie (and really, what mother doesn't love hearing that her kids want MORE veggies?!). We've tasted yummy home made meals that I'm dying to find the recipes to and had some quick and easy meals that saved my sanity. 

I'm so interested in what draws our souls to give food. Is it a basic human need that we recognize and want to share? Or is there just a little piece of magic that comes into play when you cook a meal with the best of intention and want to share it with love? What compelled me to drive over an hour away to give a meal to a family of 10 that I had never met in their time of need when a child had passed away? What calls a family to run to the kitchen when the fresh bread comes out of the oven? Why is it a cup of tea from a friends kitchen soothes the wounds quickly? 

I am so blessed and so thankful for the women that have supported me during this time of transition for our family and fully commit to giving back as often as I can. 

Thank you dear friends. Thank you dear family. 

What a week!

What a week it has been. Can you believe I have been a mother of 4 children for a week already? Where did the week go? Hmm... It's a bit blurry, but I think I can recount most of it. Since Kalani was born in the wee hours of last Wednesday - Damon stayed home Wednesday and took care of our other kiddos while I snoozed most of the day away, I think. But Thursday morning dawned upon us and reality sunk in, I was going to be solo all day with 4 children. Hysterical nervous laughter encroached my mental space when I thought too much about it - so I just keep going. It's pretty easy to do the motions - diapers, bath time, breakfast, get everyone dressed, more diapers, lunch, more diapers, nap time, school time, more diapers, dinner, and so on. I felt like I earned a damn super hero cape by Saturday night. Less than a day old, I met up with Damon for a quick Costco trip even! Here's some of the first part of my last week:

24 hours old. So perfect and sweet.

Of course, while I'm holding this sleeping newborn, plenty of couch jumping happens next to me! I don't want them to go away or stop jumping next to me. I'm enjoying ALL my children this week. Even the messes, the constant go-go-go of them. I am finding my peace.

This little one has such beautiful eyes and always looks a bit puzzled as she studies you closely. So inquisitive!

Sunday was a beautiful treat for us all as Damon was home! We didn't do too much and it was PERFECT. Can I just tell you that I really understand the meaning of 'absence makes the heart grow fonder"? My husband came home and I remarked something like "My favorite person in the whole world" ... to which my best friend commented something about that being a big statement considering the tiny piece of perfection I was holding in my arms. Well, what can I say? It's just a different kind of love - but man, my marriage is pretty much perfect - even at the roughest points. Sunday pretty much rocked - even the weepy vulnerable side of it, I'm so grateful to be supported by a fantastic husband. AND! He super loves our kids - totally obvious right? But seriously, watching him with our kids melts my heart!

The kids had so much fun wrapping gifts with him as I got to sit down and do nothing for a bit! Heavenly!

Monday and Tuesday produced much of the same - though, I must say - there is absolutely no words to describe how much I have appreciated the help of my best friend Megan and our many wonderful friends who have brought us food! I do great all day, but by dinner time, I'm simply shattered and Costcos easy meals (like ravioli!) and the blessings of dinners from friends have saved my sanity and fed my family. Thank you so much!!!!!

I'm sure plenty of candy canes were consumed with or without my knowledge.

Some beautiful snuggly times were spent though and I've had to take it one day at a time and learn to laugh at myself and the kids for their enthusiasm to dive into every thing. We've actually still accomplished a lot for school work this week too. We've done all sorts of things including studying the steam engine and talking about the states of water - solid, liquid, gas. Very cool stuff!

Countless hours were spent wearing this little one....

And the best of all - I have had another blessed week snuggling my favorite people in the world - My family. 

Wise words.

Isn't that profound?

Life around here

I cannot believe half of December is gone already! Our lives seem to be moving in super speed these days and we've had some wonderful 'normal' moments this month. We are finding balance between work and family time more than we had in previous months, which means we've seen more of my fantastic hubby. Here's a peek into what the first half of December brought us..

Declan continued being himself. This picture captures it perfectly. He is sitting in a bucket of things I was sorting through, and as if that's not enough, he has a yellow bucket of scissors in his lap that he proceeded to dump out then run away from. This kid is a full time cleaning job all by himself.

A really special and slightly complicated crafty project was started for me. I knew that I would go past my 'due date' and people would begin to bug me about it. To remedy needing an outlet that was focusing my energies - I started a project with these!

We hosted a super fabulous play date the day after my 'due date' to have friends come over and celebrate just being friends. The best part? No one expected me to be anything more than just pregnant. No one wanted to know when I was going to be done or what I was going to do about it. We all just hung out and relaxed. Well... sort of. Moose had issues being nice and sharing so I wore him on me for awhile. A fabulous friend thought to snap a picture of it! I'm so glad she did. I often forget these "normal" moments. Of course I was due to have a baby any moment and I found NO issue wearing my 27 lb toddler on my back. I love wearing him - and clearly he hates it. LOL

There were perfect moments of casual fun as we bunkered down and cleaned our home in prep for our baby coming!

Lots of books were read !

And a whole new chapter of our lives came for the second half of December!

Our home and hearts grew today.

Who says new things can’t happen with each baby? This baby already started out different. A surprise pregnancy, making the choice not to find out the gender, and birthing at home with new midwives all were new to us. It was a fantastic pregnancy. I felt fit, healthy and vibrant most of the time. I was happy to carry my baby to term and then deeply trust my body to do what it was made to do.

On December 13^th I awoke at 1 am to a startling contraction. It was very intense and I could do nothing but breathe through it. This was the beginning of a new pattern for me. From 1-4 am I had contractions that awoke me suddenly about every 10 minutes. I trusted that if it was ‘real’ labor that I would not be able to go back to sleep soon enough. But alas, I woke up again at 8 am to find not much going on.

This was a first for me. I had never had warm up labor that wasn’t ‘real’ labor. So I was trying to be at peace. I had a midwifery appt at 11 am, uneventful. Told them about my body beginning to change and we all agreed baby was coming within the next couple days. Blood pressure was fabulous, baby was very low in my pelvis (external palpitation),  and baby sounded wonderful. I was having contractions every 10-15 minutes apart and very intense but no cause for concern. I was happy with them.

I ran some errands and scared a lady at REI when she asked if I was ok and I responded “Sure, just in early labor”. Very funny. I spent the rest of my day with my best friend at her house knitting and relaxing. In truth, I was tired! We celebrated her husbands birthday and had dinner. Around 7 pm things began to get closer. By 930 when I was leaving for home with my husband and kids, I could no longer ignore the fact I was in labor. Every 5-6 minutes contractions came. Some with great intensity and others just lingered like tension.

I was happy, my husband and children were all nearby and I knew I was ready. We put our children to sleep and they crashed immediately. My darling husband helped me clean house and putter. It was so NICE to have things to do during labor. Distractions are aplenty in our home. Around 11 we called my best friend to join us. She went to ‘work’ with us puttering around my house with me and my hubby. By midnight it was clear I was less interested in folding kitchen towels and was ready to call my midwives to join us. Brittany and Violet were our fantastic team that arrived.

I labored briefly in our bathtub as things began to get lower and in my tailbone and hips. I got very grumpy during contractions but felt so loved, safe and in control in between. I wanted out of the tub and moved to our bedroom. I labored a bit on my toilet, then on my hands and knees. My husband never left my side and my best friend captured these beautiful moments for me all on video.

About the time I was really done – I really was done! I got up on the birth stool with the help my husband and Brittany, a few short self controlled pushes later our baby girl entered the world. My husband reminded me to let my body do it and amazingly it was SO fast!! She slipped out with controlled nudges that I let my body just take over and do. It was a freeing feeling and I leaned in to my husband for comfort and strength to just breathe.

Daunika joined us quickly after our little one arrived and we had yet to find out what our baby was! After delivering my placenta, we moved to the bed and rested. Daunika was waking up and adjusting to the little tiny squishy newborn making noise on me! She was the first to look if it was a boy or girl. She wasn’t quite awake and together her and I announced that our baby was a GIRL! Daunika placed the white and pink hat I knit on top of our little one and we all admired her.

Declan woke up and Damon grabbed Aurora too. We celebrated or ‘toasted’ in our newborn with hot coffee/hot cocoa for everyone as each of us just marveled at our fantastic addition. Her newborn check revealed she was absolutely perfect weighing in at 8 lbs and 8 oz and was a long 22 inches of perfection. She has some dark hair and the most beautiful round face. We all agree, this one looks more like me than the others! She was born at 3:08 am on December 14th, 2011. 

We tucked into bed about 430. Declan and Damon, me and our littlest addition all in bed and our beautiful older daughters all curled up with their bedding on our floor. It was so nice to feel everyone so close and secure. Home birthing was the best choice we ever made. It matched our needs and wants perfectly. 

Here's a peak into our journey in the wee hours:

This is our last pregnancy photo. I am 40 weeks + 6 days here. Photos taken just after midnight on the 14th. 

Early transition in our tub. Damon never left my side. I felt so loved. 

We started this together and got through it together. 

Daunika joining us to announce it's a baby girl and adding the pink brimmed hat!

Declan meeting his younger sibling for the first time. 

I am the mother of these FOUR amazing children. Wow. 

This is our first family photo of the SIX OF US!!! Oh I just love it. Love love love. 

Ahhh.... this has really been a perfect addition. 

Your opinion isn't needed.

"I bet you're ready to be done"

That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard. I mean honestly people - Why do random strangers, distantly related people and well meaning friends all need to say this? Here's the news flash - Guess what? No. I'm not ready to be done. I am fricking loving my pregnancy. I'm absolutely and brilliantly happy. Why in the hell would I want to be done? Yes, I understand at the end of this rainbow is my absolutely stunning newborn and that's something wonderful to look forward to daily - but please do not assume to know me or my personal beliefs on being 'done' or not. I'm absolutely joyous to still be pregnant. I'm not spending all day bitching my brains out or ready to whine at the drop of a hat. I'm happy. Please, for the sake of all pregnant holy things, try to share in the happiness instead of looking at me as if I'm in some state that needs pity. Remember that this is my body and your personal experience is not reflective of my own in any way. Just because you might be miserable or so ready to shorten pregnancy does not mean I am. I have just a few short days until my 'due date' and guess what? I could give a shit less about that date. It is arbitrary and meaningless at this point.

"You know what causes that right"

Now, I may not have had the best childhood in the world but even I know that this is impolite and improper, especially coming from random cashiers and people who think they might need to lighten the situation somehow? News flash - Of course I know what causes it. Would you like the details? I didn't think so. It boils down to the most amazing and happy marriage and our personal desires to grow our family. I have literally started answering this question with "Yes, I know what causes it. Happy marriages. You should see the smile on my husbands face"... It's like a sure bet way to shut up strangers. 

"Wow, you have your hands full"

I don't think my hands are full. I think my home is growing, and sometimes status quo is a busy, crazy, hectic, amazingly trying experience but with this question are we implying that our hands should be empty and our souls idle? Or is it something deeper? Are we implying that some how by giving yourself in such dedication as motherhood that our personal cups are depleted and lacking? Again, dear strangers and random acquaintances, I really don't care that you felt chaos at 2 children. I don't think your personal experience is a translation for how I must be doing. And furthermore, Why would idleness or life less busy with family be the goal? Do you know how amazing our children are? Have you sat near them and watched their wonder and marvel with their worlds? I promise you, I understand how children are made and we are adding to our family as a conscious choice to grow our family and fill our lives further with the most important of our values. I would always rather my hands, home and heart be full than empty. Who wouldn't?

The moral of the story?

Yes, I'm pregnant. No, I don't plan on shouting it from the rooftops when I'm in labor or even immediately after our baby is born. This is a deeply personal and exclusively family event. Being related distantly to us does not instantly make you family. Please refrain from your comments on what you think my personal status is regarding being done or not. Few of you can understand the joy I take every single day knowing my child is safe and perfect inside of me - I am not at all concerned with any ones schedule or agenda but this baby. I deeply, passionately and genuinely trust my body, my baby, my birthing schedule to something far higher and more intimate than can simply be conveyed on a blog. I promise you that I am absolutely healthy and happy. You're comments about 'another big baby' and 'wow your belly got huge' is offensive, hurtful and disrespectful to the core. This is a highly impressionable time during my pregnancy, I ask you to kindly shut up. I really am exactly perfect as is - no altering needed or agendas enforced.