Folks, I'll come out and say it... I have absolutely NO idea what my last blog post was. I don't know when it was or what it was about. I don't care. I've neglected my little blog for awhile while I was digging deep into my own space......... About 30 minutes ago, the digging brought up something new for me and I was scared by it. So, I jumped on Facebook. I got 3 squares of yummy dark chocolate (ok, 4 and if my foot wasn't broken, I'd walk up the stairs to finish off the freaking bar, stat). I read a blog by a friend about the playdate my kids adored today. I changed a diaper. I turned on music. I turned music off. I sat and stared at my blank page for a full 90 seconds before I thought I was losing my mind.
I avoided my dark corners. You see, I don't have a single freaking answer for the first question in this new class I'm taking that I'm not afraid to put on paper! So, we're talking about digging deep into ourselves and cultivating authenticity and courage - REALLY showing up for life and being vulnerable. First question - What do you need to give yourself permission to do in order to get the most out of this class.
*crickets*
I'm getting the shit kicked out of me folks. I'm freaking terrified that at the end of this self exploration, I'm going to hate what I find. OUCH. I'm in the middle of trying not to hustle for my worthiness in a whole new way and I'm feeling it man!
But you know what else? I'm feeling it. After staring at that blank page, I said to myself - I might not know what I need permission to do yet, but I am going to admit I'm digging into the darkness and depth of my soul because I truly believe it's worth it.
Someone shared this in another format on my facebook wall and it speaks to the messy middle I'm in right now.
The creative process looks like this:
I avoided my dark corners. You see, I don't have a single freaking answer for the first question in this new class I'm taking that I'm not afraid to put on paper! So, we're talking about digging deep into ourselves and cultivating authenticity and courage - REALLY showing up for life and being vulnerable. First question - What do you need to give yourself permission to do in order to get the most out of this class.
*crickets*
I'm getting the shit kicked out of me folks. I'm freaking terrified that at the end of this self exploration, I'm going to hate what I find. OUCH. I'm in the middle of trying not to hustle for my worthiness in a whole new way and I'm feeling it man!
But you know what else? I'm feeling it. After staring at that blank page, I said to myself - I might not know what I need permission to do yet, but I am going to admit I'm digging into the darkness and depth of my soul because I truly believe it's worth it.
Someone shared this in another format on my facebook wall and it speaks to the messy middle I'm in right now.
The creative process looks like this:
Yep. That's me in the middle right there. I'm a fence sitter between THIS IS SHIT and I AM SHIT. I haven't decided if I back up if I can see that it's tricky or see that it's all going to be ok yet either.
Woo.
Friends, I love you and I will end with this - the very words that are ingrained in my soul - from the very woman who is leading the class I'm taking. And really, you need to check out this class if you find yourself in a place of willing to challenge yourself, dig deep, and GROW - COURAGEworks with Brene Brown
I smiled reading this as the first thing that came to my mind is I need to give myself permission to be open about this new (or not so new) pregnancy with those outside of my close friends circle who I'm expecting to get negative reactions from and to not feel forced to feel like I need to apologize or feel bad that I am expecting AGAIN. I can be authentically excited instead of feeling like I need to downplay or just avoid making the announcement. I know that even if I avoid saying anything, eventually my body will give the news away, but fact that I am so hesitant to tell many people has shown me that I'm really not comfortable being open and authentic in many situations. I've happily chosen this path of having a large family, and I love it, but it's hard when so many people disagree with my choices (or treat me like I'm crazy or supermom or just completely clueless about how babies are made.) It's hard to be different, and not feel like that different is wrong. And so many of my other choices already push me into the different category.
ReplyDeleteThanks for making me think! And thanks for coming to playday! It's my favorite part of the week.
I love the quote from Brene. I need the reminder especially as I embark on my life in NY and giving myself permission to share my journey in the physical world, not just the digital one. Thank you for sharing.
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