This song is an interesting one all about loss and letting go. I think it suits my mood today. For almost five years, I've been blessed with some of the best friends in the world. Countless hours shared laughing, raising our children so closely together they could have been siblings, talking about forever as if we were a married couple planning retirement.
I think those type of friendships are rare. I think in the end you start thinking about the beginning. It's amazing what 5 years has changed about our life. To think, we thought we knew so much then. Parenthood, marriage and now friendship is humbling. It allows you to grow into something stronger, fiercer, more determined and less lost. You look at everything differently on the other side of things.
My dear friendship is over and I'm left with this hollow hole straight through me that threatens to bubble up into a complete mental break down at any moment. It feels a bit like watching life through a horrific funny house. I feel like I'm on the other side of the glass shouting this isn't right! My life has a best friend!! Or worse, that feeling like your in a terrible nightmare and wake up and realize it isn't just a nightmare. It's scary to think of what felt like it would always be there didn't survive.
When I was a newborn, my grandparents purchased a house and they owned that home until after I moved away from Oregon at 16 to follow my heart. As a young child there was a huge oak tree in the back yard and the front yard. One summer a horrible storm came and a lightly struck this back oak tree. It fell on the roof of my room. I remember the clean up and how sad my grandma seemed to loose that beautiful old oak tree. I "helped" carry sticks to the front yard and was sad because every seemed sad. I remember after it was all cleaned up and our roof was fixed that I wasn't at all sad.... I remember sitting in the back yard thinking that while I missed the tree to swing in, theres was sunshine in it's absence. I will hope for the sun shine to come soon. Every moment is one to grow and strengthen.
So, with this minimal allowing raw emotion to flow.... I'm going to put one foot in front of another. I have survived worse than this, I think. Last night I was laying in bed falling asleep and one of those ridiculously perfect moments happen. Damon put his arms around me and said "I'm here".
Knowing that simple and strong truth, I'm going to move on. Let's look forward to happiness again instead of wallowing is my sorrow and pity.
It's almost March......... Something new is growing.
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