Such simple beginnings..

Life really is as simple as you want it to be. You can find awe and wonder in any thing and every thing. However, this weekend wasn't one of those weekends. It was the type of weekend you put on clean jeans fresh out of the dryer and a kid slobbers all over you. Or decides to scream and pull your hair at 2 am. 3 am. 4 am. And well... 5 am of course. It was one of those weekends that tempers flared and emotional reactions created a wound of a lifetime. It was the type of weekend that started with friendships lost and lots of wine and dark chocolate.

Today is Sunday. Sabbath. A day of ritual for so many. But today, I was reminded of all the mothers and fathers that have spent countless hours walking the hallways of churches. The days that you wonder why you even bothered if your kids were just going to cry. And then, in the simplest of hugs or smiles from others who want to help but recognize you might smack them or burst into tears, you realize people matter. 


My oldest child, bless her, was such a high needs baby. Or was it that I was such a high strung mother? Either way, that first year was stressful! Countless hours up all night rocking, bouncing, soothing, singing, loving. That is the scars that I built a lifetime of happiness on. And I say scars with the highest of honor. Those memories burnt into my mind like a favorite scripture that saved you at a weak point. What is funny about that stressful first year, is somehow it's past. Long gone is my child who needs me every moment. When did my 5 year old become so indepedent? The child that bounces out of her seat and rushes to her Sunday class? Oh what a blessing to have fostered such a home that builds children with such assurance that we will absolutely be there when she's done with her class or before if she needs us.

But while one child ran happily away, another was screaming in my ear. Damon and I played pass the baby for a bit. Then theres the Ergo on the back trick that was ruined by a woman standing close with a donut and coffee that he felt he NEEDED during opening prayer! Oh, and did I mention I tried leaving him in the nursery... It lasted about 90 seconds before the water works began. My darling husband took him to the nursery to play happily with Daddy so I could have about 20 seconds of peace to obsorb the feeling of our service before..... Enter Aurora. Streaming tears, crawls into my lap. Sits there about 2 minutes before I'm quickly chopped liver and she wants Daddy.

Whoa. What a service. I'm not even sure I could tell you what it was about. But I felt loved through it all. I had come home. BUUF seemed so far away and distant before. I realized, perhaps it was me who was far away.

Today it occurred to me how ironic Daunika's first year of high needs was. Declan is in the stage of stranger and separation terror. This extends to even Damon some days! He screetches at the top of his lungs if I set him down to even cook a meal. Thank you heaven for my ergo, but seriously? There are nights when Declan sleeps through the night and others when he pulls hair constantly. He is a velcro cling-on that is allergic to being away from me!

And poor Aurora. Such a quiet and fun child. She's got this wicked cough thats lingering and it just breaks my heart. Over a week ago, She just sobbed for me to snuggle her. She is still so young when you realize how much she needs you. I admit to being both irritated to not be able to knit and intensely happy to get to do nothing but snuggle her to sleep.

It is one of those Sundays that you look at the last 3 days and your dark circles under your eyes paint a picture of one tired mama....

So much so, my darling Aurora snapped this picture of me. I apparently fell asleep in the living room Saturday night. I'm not really sure when and how I made it to bed, but woke up to Declan needing me in the middle of the night, again.

It is just a needy time. Oh so worn.