Gratitude and Grumpiness.

I am grumpy today. 

I was ungrateful for my moments shared today. 

I was not practicing what I wanted to show others. 

*SIGH* ... I think this might mean I am human? Darn it. I knew I would have that come up again. This morning I just didn't want to get out of bed. In fact, I think I considered how I could make the world swallow me whole. I worried "Am I depressed?", and if I am how could I clearly see it? 

I think I have determined - I just need to let my principles into my practices better. Nothing is wrong that cannot be easily over come. My marriage is solid, I love my husband passionately and I feel loved completely. My children are happy and healthy - and they know they are unconditionally loved by their parents. My faith is strong and my path is bright. My business is blooming and booming all at once. I have much to be grateful for. 

We have a tradition in our home. We say our 'Thank Yous". Before each meal, instead of a prayer, we take a moment to each say what we are thankful for. Something meaningful and relevant. This is a tradition I love. Even our little man signs and says "Thank you" when asked "Declan are you thankful?". It's darling really. As I listened to my children think of their thank yous tonight over grilled cheese and smoothies - I realized that I hadn't been a great model to them today. I was a grump. I was rude to my husband, I was cranky with my kids, I was just not nice. 

I had reasons, sure. I was stressed because our car broke last night and today we had to spend an unexpected 200 dollars on it. Of course, it didn't break down until 11 pm last night and I made a mistake which doubled the time in helping my dear exhausted husband get home to rest. I was upset that after so much training, others were choosing to do poorly in their work and their integrity was seriously lacking. I was sad because I attended a family church event yesterday and watched others dance with their hubbies while I longed to just hug mine for a moment in day light. I was sad that I missed church today because I really wanted to go. 

Small things on a global scale, really. 

So what were my thank yous tonight at dinner? 

I had such a hard time verbalizing what I failed to say all day. I was thankful for everything! I was so stinkin thankful for the wonderful husband who worked so hard to give our family everything we want and need. I felt loved and humbled that he wanted to spend his day with me and it filled my soul. I was thankful for my happy goofy kids that made messes and got into mischief. I was thankful for my creative spirit and our great budgeting system that allowed our car to be fixed immediately! I'm so grateful for the ability to hunker down and read some really important books this summer. I grew immensely and feel fabulous. 

I am filled with gratitude.