Some poems that spoke to me.

You Can’t Segregate God’s Creation

God’s family is big and inclusive and everybody belongs.

God is not a Catholic or Protestant, Methodist or Baptist – Southern, National,
American or Progressive.

God is not a Presbyterian, Lutheran, Episcopalian, Evangelical, Pentacostal,
Unitarian, Mormon, Greek or Russian Orthodox.

God is not a Jew, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, or B’ahai.

God is all these and far, far more.

God is not a Republican or Democrat, socialist or communist,
liberal or conservative, radical or moderate.

God is all these and far, far more.

God is not Black, Brown, Red, or Yellow but all these and all the blends in between.

God is not rich, middle-class, or poor; straight or gay; young, old, or middle-aged.

God is all these and far, far more.

God is not pretty, ugly, skinny, fat, short, tall, able-bodied or disabled.

God is all these and so much more.

God is no respecter of certain persons
but the Creator of all persons made in God’s image with their own DNA.

God is in all these things and in so much more.

Thank You, God, for Your presence and gifts everywhere in everyone in everything in life.

Help us to see You, to welcome You, to respect You, and to love You in all Your human disguises and gifts across the endless expanse of Your wondrous earth.

Spring Spring Spring!

I love the above picture... it just captures freedom and happiness. Zoey is a great family pet and I'm so happy she is a part of our family. This picture was captured as the our family enjoyed our yard and we played ball with our pup.

We have been enjoying what time we can when the sun comes out! Bike riding in the front yard in a cul-de-sac rocks!!

Or.... bike carrying in Auroras case. LOL

Moose is officially 2 months old and him and I are loving our new-to-us Ergo carrier - highly recommended!

I can't be fair and show only really pretty pictures of the outisde... because Spring is not just sunshine and bike riding. What would our home be without full length dresses, dress shoes, an umbrella and HAIL!

Moose man is so full of smiles, its a great stage!

Daunika is a perfect 4 year old. This picture exactly captures her - this age is full of silliness. I find myself having bad days and irritable with her, then I realize that she is saying the funniest things. I just love it. She finds a way to make life perfect.

Aurora is exploding with her 'growing up'. She has become so independent and is enjoying not only being the little sister, but her role as a big sister too. 2 years and still our snuggly child!

How do you like your pillows?

Do you like them to coordinate and all match?

Do you like a rainbow? Do you pick the colors at random? Does it need to match at all?

What shape do you like? Euro? American? Are you a down pillow lover or not?

Or are you really wild and enjoy some funky pillows?

Or does uniformity appeal to you?

To my Moose, I have the best built in pillows. Somehow my son has decided that his natural cycle is 'sleep, eat, play" and that means that he spends his time falling asleep and sleeping snuggled into me. My husband and a friend joked it was because of my 'pillows'. So heres to attachment parenting, baby wearing and all those moms who know exactly what I mean!

Mothers Retreat turned into a real life treat.

What an amazing weekend! I am such a blessed woman. This past weekend, I found myself in wonderful company driving up highway 55 in my little civic. Where was I going? AWAY! I decided the moment I heard about this weekend, I would be there. A woman that inspires me to be a better mother announced at our homeschool co-op that she was hosting (another) Mothers Retreat!

So here I found myself, Moose, and Megan heading up to McCall for the weekend. Driving up brought interesting feelings of anxiety, freedom, loneliness and joy. I had an idea that I would be the only non-LDS (mormon) woman attending the retreat. While it is true that most of my friends are LDS because they understand my family values and don't push me outside of them, I also have felt shunned and scorned by those who look down upon my family for not being LDS. My anxieties about being shunned quickly melted and I found myself among women that I was enjoying completely!

It felt good to be 'free' driving away from my home with a friend for a weekend. I had no 'responsibilities' (with the exception of Moose). I felt some guilt about the thrill of freedom - but freedom came with the longing. I missed my husband and kids so much over the weekend. It really was a great wake up to go from that thrill of "ahhh! I'm free!" to the "I want to go home now!!!". A little emotional? You bet.

I cannot tell you what the 'topics' the speakers spoke about. They were LDS based, so I really had a hard time getting content out of them, although I'm sure I was the only one with that feeling. It wasn't the formal speaking time, it was the down time that I think I grew the most. I got to know some of the ladies from our homeschooling co-op better and I loved that!! It was so inspiring to hear others stories, others lifestyles, and to reflect deeply inside what path I was on. But there was so much FUN too! Zumba in our pajamas? Yep! Having a plate in front of me that a toddler didn't want to share? Oh ya! You did know this was heaven right? LOL

Have you ever been in a group of women and found yourself in the rut of husband bashing? I have. Sure, my husband irritates me. And sometimes, I'm prone to letting him know it (and usually the neighbors in asian, I yell that loud. LOL).... but he wouldn't be him without those moments. This weekend was not a group of women husband bashing. In fact, it was so the opposite, we all were together to share something wonderful about our husbands.... How uplifting!!! The stories were simple and funny and emotional and just perfect.

Listening to these women's stories of their life long loves - I began not thinking about just them, and their happiness, but a deep reflection of my own happiness. This past two years has brought so many tears and stress from financial woes that it could be easy to let it swallow me whole sometimes. Instead, I feel like these two years are exactly what was meant to be. My children have witnessed their parents love each other deeply and truly. I have watched my husband define his life goals, beyond more than a career and paycheck. I have had to look in the mirror and decide what the next step in my own path would be. Its been amazing. What would a great weekend be without pictures?!

I captured the casual moments... because I loved them the most! (and isn't the condo fabulous?!)

So many great conversations happening all at once. I wish I could have split myself in a million pieces to hear them all!


Megan and Moose, my best friend and my new little man. What a great picture!
Stacey - the amazing woman who planned all this, also cooked! What a fabulous woman!!!
A group snap-shot before the rest of us packed up and left for the trip home.

So sitting with those women at 11 pm, eating warm brownies and ice cream was fantastic and exactly what I needed! Not because I needed to get away or be free - but because I needed to come home. It was not my absence but my return that was the defining moment of this Mothers Retreat. I came home. Home. I came home to my husband and daughters. To my best friends husband and her children.

I came home to the family that I cherish completely and unconditionally. And I was welcomed home. I am humbled.

A Journey to Mothering a Moose

The Journey to Mothering a Moose started out exciting, terrifying, and new. I fought the idea of having a boy - what in the world would I do with a boy? Didn't the world know I was the mother of two very girly girls? How would a boy fit? Of course I knew deep down that my life would change forever - I was going to be a mother of a boy.

Weeks and weeks go by without pictures... Mostly just puffy. But active, healthy, and I kept up mostly with my normal routine of living!

1/2 way there!

Above, I entered the 3rd trimester. Ahhh... exciting!

Began to round and grow. This little man was MUCH more active in utero than his sisters. Very early on his movements were pronounced and strong. He was active often and I loved it!!

Henna. One of my enjoyments this pregnancy was the choice in my last month to Henna design my own belly and this little design was on my hand as well :)

The design was drawn by me with a marker and my wonderful husband helped me apply the paste to my very big belly!

In my last month, I think I grew daily. Literally tripled my size every time I passed a mirror.

And the estimated due date passed....... without baby

As did the 41 week mark.....

The journey to labor was one that was deeply moving and spiritually uplifting. During my last month of pregnancy I enrolled in a Everyday Spirituality taught at our fellowship by our minister Elizabeth Greene. I loved the class! One of the practices we learned was moving meditation on a labyrinth on a Tuesday night (March 2).

Wednesday nothing happend and I was feeling completely sorry for myself. Logically I knew that he would come on his time and I was needing to slow down and accept that. Thursday morning I decided I wanted to walk the labyrinth again. I asked my husband if he wanted to come, not knowing if he actually would and at that point I had no child care for our kids... But sure enough, he wanted to come and Megan, bless her, took my children for the afternoon spur of the moment.

The walk of the labyrinth brought laughter, silence, tears, more laughter and a general spiritually touching event that I cannot sum up in words. I felt completely and totally grounded with our earth and the cycle of life. I felt connected with my husband and I felt at peace. It was exactly what my soul needed. Connecting with my husband was deeper than I can describe, but it deserves being noted as a partial reason for peace.

Little did we know, this deeply moving afternoon in the rain outside on the labyrinth would be our final 'date'. Friday morning I got the kids and I up and out of the door with a new spring to my step (which is saying alot 41 weeks pregnant!). We spent all day at our homeschool co-op and by the end of the day, I was so happy. I had connected with my husband the day before, and I spent all day not wishing for birth - but enjoying the sunshine and watching my children grow. I just enjoyed being with them and living in the moment!

It was just what I needed to go into labor. I left the co-op about 2 pm... drove straight home without a hitch. That is, until the drive way. I had one major contraction as I backed my car into the garage. Another came shortly after as I unbuckled my oldest and before I could get to my youngest suddenly she had thrown up all over herself and I'm screaming for my husband to come help! To which he yells back cant I hurry and get a towel. No I could not! I was having another big contraction. I came inside and washed up the kiddo, drank a big glass of water thinking my contractions were from dehydration, and I sat down to rest. Aurora curled up on my lap and rested with me. I decided my office chair was getting really uncomfortable and stood up to grab my physio-ball... POP. What a unique feeling! Sure enough, at 3:42 pm on Friday March 5th, my water broke. Damon took Aurora as I changed my pants and called my midwife, Megan my best friend and my mom. It must have been the planets aligned correctly because Megans husband was on his way home and my mom was headed to Boise to our next door neighbors house where my brother was going to stay the night with friends.

Labor came quickly and I knew birth was coming soon. Megan arrived at our home in time for me to have several contractions and come to the conclusion we needed to head to the birthing center. By 6:45 we had arrived at The Baby Place to be greeted by Jerusha Goodwin, one of our midwives. I did not want a cervical check and instantly got in the birthing tub with my husband. Megan was so supportive in taking video and pictures and keeping up great conversation with all of us. Along side Jerusha, Holly, a student midwife arrived as well. Labor was insanely easy. I felt loved, supported, and centered. I was peaceful through contractions until I began feeling his head descend into the birth canal. If my mind could have clearing spoken to everyone, I would have shaken them and said - no, seriously, this feels different! Instead, I panicked a bit. I didn't feel panicked until hindsight. I didn't really have time to think through my feelings at that time. I do remember though that my husband was behind me, my midwives in front of me, and I felt safe. Damon was absolutely perfect. While not much physical support was needed, I felt the emotional need of having him near. He stayed by me to hold my hand, laugh at my jokes, breath with me when I needed it, and I just cannot say enough how much I love my husband.

Dani Kenney, our other midwife arrived just as we began pushing. Pushing did not take long, though intensity was peaking. Declan Morrow Huberty arrived at 8:28 pm weighing a whopping 10 lbs 10 ounces and 24 inches long.

I felt wonderful! Oh man. Considering I just gave birth to a massive child, I really just felt like I was on cloud 9.

Our little man came to us perfect.... but I had new mommy hormones and this was our first baby with jaundice. That gave me some stress in the first week, but it cleared up without needing treated beyond lots of sunlight and nursing :)

In 5 weeks that I've gotten to mother this new precious life, I have felt completely at peace more than I expected. Thank goodness for babywearing too!!

I look forward to what mothering this moose will bring......

Feeling Blue

Yes, I am.

Ya know the issue with following a billion homeschooling blogs? I realize that I'm seriously falling behind. I have such amazing daughters that would latch on to anything I threw at them so great, but somehow I fail them.

I'm miserable and frustrated with my current commitment level. I'm frustrated that I cant buy a couple things to make my life easier, I'm frustrated that others can spend 10 dollars when I cannot even think about spending 2. Why is it those who sit on their ass or plug their children into the TV for hours get to have the money, when I'm begging to just hit the dollars store for some key pieces?

Pity party of one :) Hey, at least I know it.

So, Theres my rant, done and over. Maybe if I get it out I'll feel better about this dooming failure headed my direction.

Affirmation

But of course we cannot go too long without a musical input from me that I explain. What is it about music that touches people? Previously posted "Waiting on the World to Change" was equally important... so today I'm going to pick Affirmation by Savage Garden. Recently our band at church sang this, and I was in tears. I think I am going to begin to pick regular songs to break down and give my two cents.... So, here's a break down for today!

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument

Yes Yes Yes. I absolutely feel like poo when I go to sleep mad, so I try to make sure that when I go to sleep, I'm at peace with those who are absolutely critical to my life.
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands

This one makes me sad, but its pretty true. Can you stand alone for the rest of your life happy? Most of us who think deeply would wait a moment before answering. We are meant to have others in our life but the ability to not place our happiness in them, but SHARE our OWN happiness with them is very key.
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you

Seriously.
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do

I'd like to think so. Those who know my past might wonder why I really believe this about my own family, but I do.
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem

Absolutely. Why cant a woman who isnt airbrushed be beautiful too?
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone
Yep. Without a doubt. I just don't chose to be alone anymore.

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned

That pretty much sums it up. I might be screwed later for being a mean teen, but I dont think so. :)
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned

The burning I think of is different than instantly thought of. I think burned as in marked in life that changed your veiws that made each of us realize that we want love, unconditional and undying lasting love that is beyond ourselves.
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side

Or as I like to say, it may appear greener but it still needs mowed.
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

Sometimes.

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality

Personally, thats my belief
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy

You betcha! How many have vowed to be monogamous and ended in affair ridden marriages that meant shit. A simple vow means nothing without the underlying trust and love. A bond that binds you in trusting another person with their own word.
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul

Otherwise, I'm fucked... just kidding!
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold

This took me 18 years to figure out, but I got it. Clearly in my last year and a half of living my husband and I chose the happier family with less financial gains over the shit we had before.
I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair

I agree strongly. And its not at all because I'm poor, its because I know those who have made a ton of money and still struggle to own their FREEDOM. Someone else still owns them
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

Because they are the ones who don't have to have to ask when to take a vacation, or when to see their children, or when to breath deeply in meditation without thinking about the looming things needed to be done. They might have become rich by killing themselves, but lets pray for their youth aye?

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your own happiness

Or at least it was for me. Who wants to carry about baggage that makes everyone terribly unhappy, namely yourself. Let it go, what was already happened, but you chose what it does to you now.
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed

True intimacy of the soul does not count number of fuckings, but number of times connected regardless of clothing.
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists

Yea.. mass media plug in, we know my stance of this.
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

Exactly why I disagree with vows that say to death do we part.

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

Theres my two cents on a great song this week :)