Utah trip: part one!

I cannot believe it's been almost a month since I decided to get a wild hair and head to Utah.

This first leg of my trip was excellently planned - because I didn't plan it! You see, I don't plan anything. I prefer to just live by the seat of my pants. I'm horrible at things like making lists, reading guides, all that jazz. It has it's benefits. But a couple months ago I heard two of my close girl friends talking about a trip to Moab, Utah. Somehow it ended up with me saying I wanted to go......... So alas, I went.

Thursday May 8th was full to the brim with things that needed to get done. In true fashion of my luck when I'm behind, feeling crunched and stressed before a camping trip it HAD TO RAIN. Yes, it poured buckets of rain on me while I loaded the car.

But we did not slow down! After our marathon day of go-go-go, the car was loaded and we left town about 9 pm! I decided to drive as long and as far as I could because Anaius basically sleeps through the night these days and I wanted to use that to my advantage. We made it until about 2:30 am before I needed to pull over and call it a night. We slept in a parking lot in Spanish Fork until about 7 am. At night we didn't really look around, I was just exhausted and needed sleep. But when we all woke up we realized we were across the street from a McDonalds. Hot food and a flush-able toilet after being in the car all night? YES PLEASE.

This is the sunrise that woke us about 6:30/7 am in Spanish Fork Utah as seen through my windshield. Not a bad way to wake up at all.

So after a crappy breakfast of biscuits and sausage from the red and yellow giant, we finished our drive to Moab. We spent several hours in Goblin Valley climbing rocks, hiking, I took a nap and we had a yummy lunch.... then we technically made it to Moab!

While in Moab, we stayed at a great friends place. Literally, we camped on her parents lawn. They were so nice for letting us do that! When in Moab, you don't spend much time at all in your campsite.... Especially not when Janet's planning the day. I am the least planning oriented person in the world. I literally go with the flow, without agenda, usually all my life. My friend Janet is the exact opposite. She had books piled in the front window of her 15 passenger van of hikes, trails, guides, etc. She is the ultimate guru to take places when you want to see everything. I was so content to just join this busied pace for a few days :)

Our first adventure Saturday was Dead Horse Point, then we went hiking at Canyonlands National Park. While I loved both, it was stressful to me to be at Canyonlands. I don't want to hike there again with young kids. Certainly not husbandless either!

Before we started too much adventuring - we snapped a GREAT photo of our whole crew - Kurt & Monica (she grew up in Moab!) with 4 of their kids, Stephen and Janet with 9 of their children and me with my crazy 5 children! WOOT!



Damon laughed at me about why I wanted to go to Moab.... He said "Aren't they just rocks to look at?".... Yes. He's absolutely correct. Why in the world did I need to go play tourist when I could just google a photo of it? Well, because it's different. I've debated even posting photos of where we went because of his comment (and I was super sensitive about his comment, it made me cry!)... but I absolutely LOVED seeing Moab. The rocks are indeed just rocks but it's incredible. Peaceful and awe-inspiring. I did decide that next time I go back, I want to just wonder. To not have an agenda. To explore without a guidebook and potentially without kids someday too. Mom mode + vacation planned hiking is a sure fire way to make me not really soak up the sights because I'm a bit too distracted.... but I'm so glad I went!!

Plus, my really awesome children had fun.

This is the view from one hike we did in Dead Horse Point.

We had fun watching the kids catch this lizard.. but it should be noted that lizards and chipmunks are HAZARDS to young children hiking near cliffs. The kids get distracted, want to chase them/catch them and forget the cliff is there. Oye!! Several of us parents had to sternly correct our children while hiking.

But hey, in a safe place, a lizard was indeed caught and we learned (after it's tail fell off) that their tails fall off to help them escape prey. It will grow back in about 2 years.

It was so fun to be there with some of my best girl friends. We had a blast. Climbed to new heights and tested the "if it's a clear day, you can see for 200 miles" statement *(though it wasn't completely clear)*

And when hiking, we found whimsical beauty... this lovely step with a heart shaped hole is a great example.

The next day was Sunday... Mothers Day 2015... Arches National Park here we come!

We are crazy and decided to wake up at 6:30 am, wake all our tired children up and hike them up a famous path to Delicate Arch.

And we made it!

Daunika was thrilled to stand under the famous arch. She looked so tiny compared to it!

Next on the agenda was Sand Dune Arch!

And well... when Janet says "Hey Macy, let's climb up this thing!".... I do.... except, she didn't.
So, that crazy idiot in the hat at the top of the arch? Yes, that's me.

So, Aurora must get it from me... She is an amazingly STRONG little one. She climbed some serious rocks while at Arches.

And up another rock...

Going up was great... Going down? Well, let's just say that after this 10 day trip, one pair of jeans no longer had a bum for Aurora.


Regrets: Not seeing more. Being seriously out of my normal physical capacity. Feeling too structured. Not taking enough pictures of people. Not wearing sunscreen... ouch.

Perks of the trip: Bonding with friends. Beautiful sights. Exploration of new places. Watching my children have so much fun. Great sleep at the end of long days.

Goal: Come back when all kiddos are a bit older AND BRING DAMON... because these rocks are cool!

I really loved it. I can't wait to go back!!!

Those were the first three days of my trip....... But there's more!

Camping season has begun!

Our camping season has begun with a BANG! 

Can I just say it: I adore camping. I really really do. It is our chance to slow down, relax, explore and play. This camping season for us started last weekend. Damon is working about 2.5 hours away from our home with some stellar clients and we were talking all about lodging options when I stumbled across camping nearby!

Last weekend we explored completely unknown to us areas of Idaho: Lake Walcott.... and last weekend it was freezing. Literally, it hailed/sleet/rain/slush mixed all night long with crazy winds!

Here's some quick snaps from last weekend:

Our campsite was tucked in the trees with no one around and water to enjoy listening to as we rested. It was awesome. There was plenty of paved trails and the kids spent hours on their bikes going all over. 

And while it's not AT ALL my preference to camp at "paid and maintained" campsites - at least we had toilets and the kids loved the playground within walking distance!

Lots of fun was had.... but we were cold most of the first weekend.

This is my favorite photo of us the first weekend!! 

Our second weekend at Lake Walcott was completely the opposite. Instead of 55*/35* and windy, it was 80*/50* and AMAZING!!!!!!!! 

The water was so peaceful and beautiful. I loved sitting next to the water and playing cards with the kids. Farkle flip, yhatzee, skip bo... on and on :)

And the best part? At 7 pm every night, we picked up this gorgeous man. 

And this little guy... He was a crazy loon the whole time. 

He spent both weekends like this:

While the other kids did this: 

And... In case you were curious, I will be CAMPING for 17 of the 30 days this month. 

BRING ON THE CAMPING !!!!!!!!!!!! 

If you give Macy a cookie....

Friends, I'm a natural born gypsy. I prefer to wonder where the breeze blows me and not commit to staying any one place too long. Imagine my surprise when my heart turned toward planting roots and staying last year as I longed to buy a home of my very own.... and it happened! None of this to news to any of you lovely folks following my blog but sometimes it sneaks up on me as a surprise still, especially since I purchased a home that I was renting!

Well, that gypsy personality is still here, loud and clear ringing in my head... but not in the ways you might think. No, I have no desire to move. Buying a home was a killer process that kept me from many nights of sleeping, I'm not likely to want to do that again for another couple decades. Instead, my gypsy soul was best described by a dear friend and confirmed completely by my husband : I am EXACTLY like the books "If you give a mouse a cookie (moose a muffin, pig a pancake, etc)... Like, literally, that so perfectly fits me I could try to deny it but every one around me would roll their eyes and laugh knowing all too well that I'm stellar at not planning anything but instead, I can roll with anything that comes at me. Blessing and a curse I promise you! 

Here's a stellar example - A couple years ago, I was thinking about self sufficiency. I was thinking how self reliance mattered to me and pondering if I was doing "all I could do" with the resources I had... so that lovely question lead me to reading many books on self reliance and homesteading on small properties. And reading about homesteading lead me to learn about tiny livestock options for the back yard homestead. Reading those books lead me to learning about goats. Learning about goats lead me to searching, and searching lead me to "go look at some goats" (to which my husband said "if you are just going to look, why do you have the trailer attached to your vehicle?!"... uhhh....) And that "looking" ended up with two amazing goats in the back of my trailer for a few days while we set up fencing, built a shelter, all in the middle of winter and our well froze over in the middle of all that............. yea. Well, I am getting better about planning but it's NOT my strong suit at all. 

Owning this home is no exception to my whimsical and wondering thoughts and desires. I want to knock down walls, renovate the kitchen, add a bathroom, get a concrete pad out by the shop, grow some grass to play in, plant more fruit trees.... yadda yadda yadda. My poor husband works endless hours toward our personal and professional goals and I worry that sometimes all I display is my discontent with what I have in front of my eyes. Yes, I'm the master at introspective thoughts in hindsight! So, this lovely little dialog is to bring me to our recent "macy was given a cookie" project! 

I forgot to take a true "before" picture. Our mailbox was a sad sorry sight. That rusted thing looks like it had been hit by a car then pounded back out with a hammer to continue to use it! The lovely thing on the left is our new mailbox... but really, we have a white house, more white might be a bit too boring for a home that was mine, don't you agree?

So we set to work... 

And we were completely serious. We're professionals at fixing houses... We told the kids NO messing around. No jokes. No laughter..... HA! Totally joking. We had a blast and let them truly "do it yourself" because it's their home too!

And this is what we came up with....

And because I'm miffed that I don't have a before picture... Here's the before picture for the up and coming project!

Yes, I am painting that boring white door YELLOW too! And the tan surrounding it? It's going deep blue. And that deep blue is going on shutters around the windows. .... and well, I'm sure I'll come up with something to put in those empty pots. And and and.......

We are going to have some stellar changes in this house, I promise. What exactly? I have no idea, I'm about as great as planning as you would expect a 2 year old to be. Isn't it lovely that my husband is the exact opposite? He's saved the house from me tearing it apart and being overwhelmed with his thorough planning... sigh. Smart man, I'm sure... patient too to live with me. 

Many more blogs to come as I get wild hairs to tear apart and beautify this home of mine!

Survival Instincts

Today sucked. 

I wish I could open with something better for this blog update, but really, I'm just tired and weary tonight. That's OK. Tomorrow is a new day! 

Last night I went out with friends. As midnight came and went as we enjoyed junk food from IHOP, we laughed and cried and laughed some more. None of us facing exactly the same challenge. None of us asking each other to put the best foot forward, we just sat together in empathy and true friendship. It was so uplifting...

But alas, a great night out cannot undo the built up stress of late. So today, I feel crappy.
Dumb.

This week when I was at the temple with my husband, I was pondering our survival instincts. Ya know, those ones that naturally kick in without you actively thinking about them? Yea. Those ones. Push turn to shove - we absolutely have them in our home. When we're crunched and stressed and just feeling blah.

I realized, when the world seems like a cold and dreary place - we circle the wagons! 

Sometimes I refer to myself as a ostrich. I've had to make several very important calls this week. Some financial mountains had to be scaled. Some routine things. Some new and exciting things. That's a lot to face in a week!

Often times our circling the wagons comes out as play. We want to hide from the world and just absorb all that is good within our walls.

We also set goals when we're stressed. 

Or do things that likely make our neighbors think we are completely insane. 

We celebrate the little things, because they are big things to us. 

We take naps, read books and snuggle with our favorite people!

and the routine things seem like great accomplishments!

And sometimes, routine appointments lead to fun new glasses!

Laughter cures all woes 

And the simple homemaking tasks can make you smile with pride. 

And sometimes, you just have to get outside in the sunshine and get dirty!

Besides, when you're outside at our place, you have these funny little animals follow you around. 

And then, there is the "I have no idea what to do either, let's play cards" 

Or a board game... one that Lani hasn't lost all the pieces to

When we're crunched, sometimes it helps to grow some ways that are unexpected.

I can't say I have any answers to some of the things keeping me up at night, but I can say I feel like I have everything I need. Support networks, outlets for emotions, and a healthy strong marriage that keeps me sane when I want to cry or rage about the injustice I see in the world.

It's been a crappy day but I knew flipping through our photos of the last 60 days, I'd find myself releasing stress and reminded of all the joys in my life.

Stellar way to end a crappy day. Perhaps it's not crappy after all. 

The view from up here.

I cannot believe it's been MONTHS since my last blog post. 

I have a confession to make - I fell into a pretty crappy place of being over the last couple months. Guess what else? I am no longer there and I completely forgive myself. 

If you've read my blog ever you would know I'm working on forgiving myself and I was climbing a mountain for the last 5 months. Well, let me tell you folks, we made it. WE FREAKING MADE IT. 

No more therapies. No more specialists. No more pumping. No more keep-your-phone-on-you-because-it-has-your-pump-alarm. No more stress.

Here's the thing though, I had to truly humble my expectations before life changed for us. 

There is so much I could say about this subject but at the core - I learned a lot.

Fundamentally, I learned that it didn't matter if I spent my year like this: 

Or like this:

I mattered as his mother either way.
HE mattered as my child either way. He was perfect in my eyes. Absolutely perfect.

I could say so very much. I could talk about the tears, the fears, the courage to try nursing again after burn out. I could give lengthy details about our oral reflex and strength training routines. I could cite the muscles he learned to use in his tongue or the sequence needed to correct his torticollis. But at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. Our mother-baby dynamic is not measured by this one fact alone and when I accepted that, the Lord extended me a tender mercy.

This view from the top of our mountain climbing experience has humbled me. I have a profoundly deep respect for creation and how perfect each one of us is just as we are. I have learned to rely on the Lord for strength when my path was uncertain and learned to truly pray for the first time in my life selflessly.

The view from the top is glorious. 

My climbing buddy is pretty cute too :)