Kiddos

I promise, despite my blogs evolutionary status on my little homestead, I actually live a normal crazy life with my kiddos. We're pretty boring people actually. I like it that way. After a few days away from my family, I came home to just enjoy them. These little people are so fantastic.

I mean really, without them, life would be boring. I'm not sure the thought has ever occurred to me to read a book upside down. Daunika lives to read. It is her lives greatest pleasure and she is pretty indiscriminate on her reading. So much like me! 

Like father, like son on this end. Declan is such an amazing kiddo. His smile is bright and his hands seem to always be working. Wonder where he gets that from.... 

There is also a law somewhere unwritten in my house. I didn't know about it but my kids seemed to be born with it. It's basically "If mom is taking a picture of one kid, quickly run over and smash yourself into the photo!"

Yep. It's a law I didn't know about.

We all survived chicken pox. It wasn't bad at all honestly. 

Glad it's over, we were a bit stuck in the house!

But fear not, being stuck in the house didn't slow us down. We enjoyed projects, school work, going for long walks in the rain to puddle jump when we knew no one else would be at the park. Fun times. 

Our big girls have decided life is better sharing a bed. 

Which means our littest two have a bunk bed to share. Lani adjusted to sleeping in a normal bed great. 

All around, life is still kickin here. 

Our older girls are enjoying girl scouts finally starting back up. They are working on patches and excited about seeing their scouting friends more often. Halloween is coming up and the kids all picked really different things to be this year. Should be a fun time indeed :) 

Still having issues with Lani at church but I think we'll try something different this coming Sunday and see if it changes anything. We're into a great school groove, life is pretty peaceful with these littles <3

It gets crisp in the fall.....

Oh what a marvelous season. 

Do I really think every season as it comes is my favorite? 

Hmmm... 

Perhaps my soul is attuned to change darlings... Change is to be embraced.

We've already had soups, hot breads, hours of canning and some adventures in learning about farm life so far this fall. Let me tell you, as a city-raised kid, there is no preparing for owning a Buck (male goat) who REALLY wants through a fence to a lady in heat. Just imagine with me for a moment the awesome face I must have had as my children sincerely wanted to understand why the new goat was peeing all over his face to attract the female goats to him. *crickets*. I'm glad to announce that my daughters have proclaimed they will never marry a man who pees on his face...... Thank heavens! 

Meet Boss. He is the lovely new man on the homestead causing all these amazingly-hard-to-keep-a-straight-face conversations. He is lovely. So friendly and easy to handle. Hates our dog but loves the ladies :) He won't likely stay long but for now, I rather love him.... Until I breathe... then I hate his smell. Holy moly!

Besides the smelly man-goat outside, I have been making some new smells in my kitchen too! And by those smells, I mean CANNING! 

Not only has our own garden been fruitful this year, we have been blessed by those who were willing to share with us their bounty. Not a drop is wasted in this home. Hours have been spent in my tiny tiny 1940's kitchen. I have no dishwasher, no garbage disposal, no kitchen sink sprayer. I do however have a determination that lit a fire under my ass this year and I am loving it! 

I feel a bit that my hands are never clean these days. I'm sporting a new band-aid, compliments of an argument with a canning jar I had this week. I also learned that when you cut 80 pounds of onions, you eye balls literally burn the next day still! 

Are your eye balls burning thinking about cutting up 150 pounds of onions?! New adventures... GREEN tomatoes. Don't worry, I have about a million ripe ones, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't wasting my green ones either. I'm trying green tomato pie, green tomato jelly and chili verde sauce. Woo hoo!

Adventures in juice making..........

And just when I thought the first week of October couldn't get any cooler? 

Those lovely two babies joined us two ... that means six new chicks have hatched here this month! 

I promise I'll update on our family life soon!

I hope you all are LOVING this wonderful fall season so far. 

Homestead Bounty!

The summer is the most rewarding homesteading season I think. 

This rooster is lucky to be alive. When he first arrived on our homestead, he had a horrific habit of crowing for 15-20 minutes at FOUR A.M! 4?! Yes, that's nearly ridiculous but I love his sound and I'm happy to report, for the most part, he is no longer screaming at an ungodly hour. He does start screaming at 5:30 and that is acceptable to me!

A typical morning harvest. 

Jars, jars, jars!! I have a pretty huge stack of jars to process through this year. I have a goal of filling 3/4 of all the jars I own this year. WOO HOO!

Fear not, I'm not just canning... I'm loading up my freezer too :) 

All of that peach jam is a result of needing to stay busy. With my mama heart mourning this week, it really helps to stay busy.

The sunflower line is working PERFECT! We had this genius idea to grow some chicken food, provide shade and privacy... Sunflowers. Next year I plan to wrap my property in them 4 or 5 rows thick to provide privacy. 

We are going to have so many pumpkins. They have literally taken over the garden. Yay!! Pumpkin butter is my primary hope for these lovely 'pie' pumpkins.

These things are HUGE and loaded with yummy, organic, nearly FREE chicken food <3

Heart Aches

Oh how my heart aches. 

I have been up night after night for the last two weeks. 

I have been restless and sad. 

This month has been one of the hardest in my life. 

In August, we have had a lot to face. Kalani, our youngest, had another seizure. This one was worse than before. It was ugly and different and just all around scary. We waited seeing a pediatric neurologist... Let me tell you, that was a LONG wait. When your mama heart is full of worry and fretting over your children's neurological well being, you want the damn call immediately. It took 10 business days for them to call from the time we saw our own pediatrician. 10 days?! What, did the whole office go on vacation? Once we got the call, it was another 3 weeks before we could get an appointment. During that time, we also were attacked by our pediatricians nurse assistant/practitioner over our oldest daughter's heart mummer. Yes, all at once, it seemed the world was dropped at my feet. We waited just a few days to see a pediatric cardiologist and Daunika got a "picture of her heart" literally! I was exhausted and frought with worry the whole month. It just felt like something was always wrong. 

The outcome of the specialists were exactly what we wanted for both girls. Daunika does have a heart mummer. She was born with it and it still is there. She has had a full diagnostic echo cardiogram to ensure nothing is wrong. She is literally perfect. What a relief. Kalani has been diagnosed with benign febrile seizures, a childhood disorder that is hereditary and comes from me. Well sorry kiddo, you got my face shape and my seizures. They are NOT harmful to her neurological development (really what we wanted to know) and we will not medicate unless she has more than 10-15 annually because the medication has more risks than her seizures at this point. All around, while it's not a "all clear" like Daunikas appointment, it is the very best we could hope for for Kalani. 

While it would seem that was enough to worry about through the month of August, we had a new experience to add to the pile. We are in the middle of losing our 5th child. We have known for nearly 2 months we were expecting and were just about to announce it when our life took a turn. Oh how the tears stream as I type that. It's a miscarriage. It's not something unheard of right? But I wasn't prepared for this. Can you prepare for it? I'm not sure. I didn't expect the pain, the anger, the sorrow. Keeping busy helps. It's only when I find myself in the stillness that it sneaks up on me and I am quickly wiping away tears and moving onto something better. My mama heart hurts in ways I cannot describe. 

In the midst of my despair, my stress, my coping skills maxed out, I realized my heart hurt in the best of ways - it was full with a life that demanded the very best of me and I love this scary, vulnerable position. There is absolutely no gain in life unless you stick your damn neck out and be naked for a bit. You have to commit, I mean really commit. This life is about charging into the scene, kicking ass, taking names, and falling asleep at the end of the day knowing you loved with everything you had inside of you and that is enough. It's scarier than staying on the shallow side and keeping in a bubble, but if God asked me today if I wanted to love my children less to keep my heart safe in case I lost them along the way, I'd look him squarely in the eyes and tell him there is no partial love in this Mama. There is all-in, all-the-way, never-ending, unconditional kind of love. Seizures, heart mummers, miscarriages - bring it on because these little ones are mine and I adore them every second of every day they are mine. 

I mean really... You only have to take a peak and you'd understand.... 

I mean really, I get to live with a ninja boy who brings sticks in the house! Yes, this little man is one explosion after another. He runs around making noises I didn't know needed to be made. The world is not right until Declan has made the exploding sound. I don't even know how to type the sounds he makes! It is such a delight to watch him run everywhere (he doesn't walk?!) while exploding and yelling he's riding a REAL ROCKET!!!!!!!!!! 

I get to spend 2 whole days with my girl scout, just me and her. Sometimes people wonder how to manage "so many kids"... let me tell you, this isn't some part time gig. This is my entire life. There is nothing cooler than my family and so I take pride in making sure I get to spend some time with each and every one of them one on one. They are too awesome not to.

Who said living on a busy street sucks? We get front row seating to road construction, and let me tell you, that was cool to my awesome wild brood of kiddos! Truth be told, Damon and I were out there too. I can't say if we were more excited to watch our kids jump and hollar and giggle and ooooh and awe or just because we're really big kids at heart (and for dear damon, he must watch the process of everything construction!)... but it was awesome. Wake up, head out to the porch for the show :)

And the beginning of August, I had a great laugh while harvesting this gem from the garden. Perhaps God was telling me to grow a pair because I would need them for the rest of the month? Ha! Bring it on world, I got my big girl panties secured and ready to do this damn thing!

I get to spend my heart ache watching my child wonder at the FUN of a empty beach all to ourselves! It's back to school week for most around us. Some kids have been in school for a few weeks, others just started this week... but ya know what? WE DIDN'T! Nope. One of the joys of home schooling is you really get to spend so much one-on-one time with your littles that you cover what you want to cover so quickly... so this week while others are busing all over creation, learning new routines and all that stuff we have never done... we are spending our time at Eagle Island swimming. Why not? It's 95+ degrees outside and it's an empty beach. I quickly snapped about 10 photos and jumped in... Kalani doesn't stay in the shallow end. She thinks she can chase her sisters in the deep! I get VERY soaked any time we are there :)

I get to watch my oldest explore in the kitchen. She made a drink she calls "cinnamon water"... sugar, water, milk, cinnamon? Ya, she was happy. I love watching her confidence and measurements of everything. So fun. 

And after a long day at the Western Idaho Fair we ended up grabbing burgers and shakes and snapped this lovely photo! 

Every labor day weekend we drag our bums out of bed at 6 am and drive to downtown Boise... The Spirit of Boise Balloon Classic is one of our favorite events!!!! This year, despite me not feeling well, was no exception. Our kids LOVED IT! Who am I kidding? I loved it!! It feels so magical watching them blow up and lift off. I think Damon and I need to go on a date... a magical date that includes a ride in a hot air balloon, yes? I have a life long goal of heading to New Mexico for the worlds biggest hot air balloon festival sometime.. Perhaps when the kids are a wee bit older. 

This was the coolest window sticker!

So, when people ask me how I am? Well, I just don't know what to say. This month SUCKED. I mean, really sucked... but it didn't. It was normal. It was wild. It was vulnerable and scary and fun and exciting. There were times I laughed so hard I cried and snorted. There were plenty of tears and sweat and I'm sure blood and hard work. There were moments when I prayed the world would swallow me whole and be done with the suffering and moments of complete adoration with my world and the Creator. So while my heart has had plenty of aches, I'm doing OK. I'm in my stages of grieving and I'm surviving just fine. 

August was a really great month. 

August was a really crappy month. 

Just depends on the moment you ask me. :) 

Carry on world! 

Around the Homestead, June update

Yes, I know it's the first week of July already. I'm not sure where my June went but it certainly went fast! Life around here is a constant evolution of life. It would appear the only thing dependable is that I'm constantly hoping from one thing to another but all of them are good things to be at. Our homestead is alive and well full swing in summer.

Our turkey hoop house is working out fantastic. I cannot say enough about how great it is. Our turkeys absolutely love bugs and grass and since our vicious dog attack in the Spring, I really don't feel comfortable letting the tiny babies just free range - but this hoop house is so light weight, I move it around the hard every couple days and they get fresh grass and bugs to munch :) Perfect!

It's summer and that means roasting mallows! I'm on call all summer and I absolutely love that fact but my one regret is I cannot go camping with my kids. One of my absolute favorite things to do with my family is go camping but honestly I'm finding it's quite impossible. I have to milk a goat twice a day, I'm on call without any breaks for the coming future, and well, I like my air conditioning! But that doesn't mean I can't LOVE sitting around a fire with my family. It's so peaceful and relaxing to sit down at the end of the day and enjoy the fire pit. 

Being 110 degrees during the day means lots of ice and popsicle. Of course my kids are loving the popsiscle yummy treats and ya know what? So am I. That's Kalani enjoying the frozen treat without realizing she is eating a ton of veggies in it! Blueberry, Kale, Spinach and Yogurt - check! No sugar needed :) 

Friday night before Fathers Day our ward (church) held a Father & Son, men only, camping night. Declan and Damon loaded up and enjoyed themselves. Declan is still talking about it.... Well, that left us ladies to fend for ourselves and be girly. So what did we do? We loaded up and went to a rodeo! Loud music, awesome skills, beautiful animals, junk food, cheering and excitement? HELL YES! Like little farmer's daughters, our girls wore cute sundresses and their cowboy boots of course. Daunika even had a hat from halloween to wear. So. Much. FUN! We had so much fun, we took the boys the next night again with us! 

It's summer and that means food begins to be prepared to be stored, frozen, canned and preserved. There is something absolutely peaceful and healing about sitting down with a paring knife and pitting fruit or chopping veggies. This yummy bunch of Cherries was hand picked by a friend who graciously shared them with us! 

Have I mentioned how thankful I am for our goats? We're getting about a half gallon a day from just one nanny and I just love it! Fresh, raw, organic milk? Want to know the real kicker - I haven't mowed my lawn this summer at all. I"ve been staking our goats out because they love the variety of weeds in our yard and they are so happy to munch munch munch. All around - WIN! No hay costs right now, organic food (we don't spray, period!), happy healthy goats and almost free organic milk! Fresh daily! 

Second genius farmer idea? Grow weeds, er, Sunflowers, for your chickens! That is something like 65' of sunflowers in front of the chicken fencing. They will grow huge and awesome, then lean over the fence and drop their seeds straight into the chicken pen... I pretty much did nothing. This is genius. Thank you awesome husband for setting up watering for them and actually planting with me. Such collaboration. 

So much is so alive in our garden. Those are our tiny tomatillos! YUMMY!!!!! 

This tiny tot loves to garden with me. She loves to pull weeds and get her toes in the dirt. Daunika actually is a fantastic gardener and seems to enjoy it as well. She talks to the plants as she walks around them. She can tell you the different plants and seems to generally have a natural way around the garden. Very cool to watch. 

Compliments of this beautiful horse and good friends, my seven year old is in heaven now and actively praying every night for when we can 'buy our own farm with horses too'. Our mini-farm works for now little love! But I do agree with her, I long to ride on horses again. To mount and go... to be free and connected all at once. I can't wait either Daunika, I'm praying too! 

Oh what a wonderful life I have. Blogging is such a simple way to reflect at my blessings. This week has been pretty brutal. I'm not even going to lie! My camera broke (hello, I kind of use that at work! Hundreds of dollars!! AH!) and then I lost my brand-freaking-new phone (Can't even make it to work if I don't have a freaking phone, MAJOR panic attack!).... I was feeling sorry for myself. Why the hell did my life have to be so hard? Why couldn't I be one of those well protected, happy in my fucking bubble people? Well, because that wouldn't be real. My life isn't a fairy tale, a magical journey or a novel. It's real and real shit happens. I still cannot find my phone and my camera is on the docket for replacement. For now, my "old" phone will do and my camera works but needs a card reader.......... So while I was whining about how 'hard' my life was this week, I decided to reflect.... 

I have the best. friends. EVER. 

Seriously. 

So, best friends of mine, thank you. You wonderful people uphold me in the insanity that is reality. 

And the Mr. that holds me together when I cry about my camera and throw a fit about my phone. What a lucky girl I am... He keeps me grounded and reminds me that He's still there and everything is going to be alright. 

Four baby girls in Four day?!

While typically my blog is reserved for my homestead happenings, I must share with you all the incredible journey I've been on this week. Most of you know I'm a birth doula. For 5 years, this calling, this profession, this incredible journey has been so dynamic. In the time I've been a doula, I have welcomed my own children, I've seen in hospital, out of hospital, medication, non medicated, surgical, multiples, young, matured, first time parents and parents welcoming their 7th babies.... I was thinking I've seen a great deal of births but I never really feel like I know whats going to be thrown at me when I get 'the call'.

This week was no exception. I tucked my children into bed last Thursday evening, I curled up and finally fell asleep about 10:30 myself... I joined a wonderful family by 1:30am Friday and came home Saturday about 4 pm. Wow. This schedule sounds familiar to me because my own first labor was just over 43 hours long, and watching a labor that long, I began to feel enormous respect for this family and every family that I get to support.

Welcome little one, Baby girl A, it has been a pleasure supporting your family and meeting you!

If I thought 43 hours was going to be it for the week, fear not - Monday welcomed another little girl! I've had the pleasure of supporting this lovely family 2 years before. Actually, almost 2 years to the date, they welcomed a son and I was there to support them in their strengths. I am so thrilled to have been there again for this incredible family. 

And just like her big brother 2 years ago, this little girl had tons of beautiful hair! Welcome, little M. 

So Monday evening I am thinking that I've done two births in a single week, no biggie right? What a wonderful "birth high" I was falling from..... Nope, Tuesday welcomes not one, but TWO more little girls! This peaceful family is tucked in safely and being cared for by the best in the state. 

Such strong reflexes. Look at those tiny toes pinch Dad's hand! Welcome baby girl A! You look so much like your mama already!

Peacefully sleeping, Baby girl B looks like Dad! How funny, these little ones may be twins, but they have their own looks from the beginning. Welcome little one!

Wow. What a week. I could not have done it without the support of my family, my friends, those who prayed with me for energy and strength. I absolutely love being a doula. It's a profession that suits me.