Setting aside Tuesday - though important to note because it led to lots of things - we entered Wednesday of our vacation! Super excited kiddos woke happily and we set off to spend the day with Damon's mom, Leslie! Pacific Science Center for the win! We all had a complete blast. Oh so fun.
We chose to skip actually going up the space needle because of our "little" kid stages - but Daunika was not disappointed, she was actually thrilled to walk around it outside and was openly shocked at how tall it was. Silly kid.
I think all my kids except Daunika were disappointed in the Lego exhibit. We hadn't researched it (because this is ME we're talking about and I never plan anything)... My kids wanted to be inspired AND to touch legos. This was an art gallery of incredible works, no touching involved. Daunika on the other hand really shined in this setting. She was well educated on many of the displays, their histories, where they were located in the world, and so on. I was really proud of her! Homeschooling win? I think so. She digs art and I consider it my entire job to support her in learning the topics she loves fully.
Thursday was equally excellent. I had pushed hard through a great deal of pain on Wednesday and had to adjust my expectations for Thursday.... I had to adapt. So, how do you balance needing to sit with the desire to keep up? A little of both worked beautifully :)
Thursday was equally excellent. I had pushed hard through a great deal of pain on Wednesday and had to adjust my expectations for Thursday.... I had to adapt. So, how do you balance needing to sit with the desire to keep up? A little of both worked beautifully :)
Since we went to both Woodland Park Zoo and Point Defiance - I can easily say - Go to Point Defiance. It's so much better. The staff is engaging, it has an aquarium in it, the kids pet aradillos, sting rays and more! It was AWESOME. But me and Anaius stepped out for most of it. He was exhausted, I was in pain. I knew I had hit my limit. I drove around the beautiful 5-mile-drive in Point Defiance Park and landed myself in a lovely walking path while my baby slept in the car and I sat in the GREEN!
Part of our trip to Point Defiance was the plan to ride several ferries. Our kids have been born and raised in land-locked, Idaho. Oh so dry, Idaho. You'd think riding these ferries was a magical experience - and that is because to them, it was indeed <3
Part of our trip to Point Defiance was the plan to ride several ferries. Our kids have been born and raised in land-locked, Idaho. Oh so dry, Idaho. You'd think riding these ferries was a magical experience - and that is because to them, it was indeed <3
Friday was my favorite day. It was our "we have no plan" day. I had been careful Thursday and felt great! Our kids wanted to swim again in the hotel and they loved the ferry rides - so instead of another museum or science gig, we rode had a peaceful morning eating breakfast, packing lunches and catching a ferry to the other side of the sound - destination : ICE CREAM. No, seriously, our goal was to relax and snag ice cream at a cute specialty shop on the water. It was perfect.
Our kids loved being able to walk down the marina, touch boats and compare them. They were thrilled when I said they could crawl on their bellies and touch the fish in the waters! It really was so relaxing. Friday night we went swimming and Damon and I got a real date night too with yummy food and one on one adult time.
And in case you were wondering - this is what exhausted children sleep like :)
Saturday we hiked Snoqualmie Falls, Anaius got sick, we had lunch with Leslie & Tora, then said goodbye to the big city... Just in time for me to fall apart.
Yep, it's a true story.
When I lived in Seattle, I was in the middle of the deepest, darkest time in my life. I was neck high of slogging through the ugliest shit you can imagine. I was in therapy to process being raped as a child, confronted by my new sexuality (16 and just moved in with my boyfriend? hello triggers!). I had left my own home state and childhood home in anger and fear. All around, I was in a complete shit status in Seattle. I had assumed I had resolved and forgave myself for just kind of failing at living in Seattle but this trip was all sorts of enlightening for me.
When we moved to Idaho in 2004, it was a joint decision. I think. I don't really remember! I was still slogging through the yuck, but we survived. This trip was an interesting mix of freaking awesome and old fears. Was I doing "enough"? Ha. That's why seeing Mike, Damon's Dad was a giant shit storm because in my mind, I can clearly hear him say to me that I was "taking away his son from him." What kind of lifelong blessing is THAT?! As you can tell, it had a profound impact on my thoughts for the last 15 years.
(14 years ago, we looked like this)
While in Seattle, similar fears popped up though as Damon relaxed and looked so carefree again in Seattle. A glimpse of the boy I fell in love with so recklessly. Little statements in our trip - like how "of course he wasn't lost, he grew up there" placed me (unknowingly at the time) in a place of feeling like a bit of an outsider on my own darn vacation! Other comments about how much he loved the area, how different his dreams were when we lived there, how he could see himself living in so and so area. All triggers. All little cracks.
And ya know what? I think I'd have been OK if I was less committed to loving him and upholding all his dreams. If we were less happy, less in love, less of a solid unit - it wouldn't have been so scary! But the truth is, I absolutely LOVE my husband. I would bend over backward and chop myself easily in half to hold him up in accomplishing his dreams. It is without hesitation that I say - He would do the same for me. I hadn't really considered that Seattle was his home though. It was just a brief period in my life and I was focused on healing then, but it was where he began life. Of course it's familiar to him and brings up different memories.
In those moments in our vacation though, I felt panic. What if I had failed to help him accomplish what he wanted in life? What if Idaho wasn't his home? What if he missed engineering goals and working on giant projects. We all know he's brilliant. His brain lives, sleeps, eats in buildings. He was made for this work.... But was our little construction company in Idaho enough? And if it wasn't, was I enough? (DING DING DING! enter the panic!)
I got beyond that thought really fast actually. Once I dug down into why I was so upset (as we drove painfully slow home), I realized I was really secure in my place as loved as his wife but I still didn't know how to settle my feelings about upholding his dreams. Seeing him vacation was amazing... He didn't answer the phone every time it rang. He didn't check his email ten times an hour to make sure probuild got his order and catch the next invoices needing to be paid or work on billing others to make sure we paid our mortgage... So, I suppose it was really unfair to compare VACATION to every day life - but I want the very very best for him. I want him to feel carefree and magic more often. I want to make sure that in everything I do, I hold him up. I want him to know that he's loved.
(on our vacation, man we were tired that first day!!!)
And in that, I spent a solid week thinking of how to find my peace again at my home.
The truth is, I found it again. It wasn't misplaced and I'm not at all ashamed of my falling apart. I fell apart in a less than stellar way, but my WHY doesn't cause me a bit of pain. Marriage isn't half ass to me. It's an all in, all consuming, forever and in to eternity kind of deal.
I'm really thankful we went on vacation and I am even more blessed that I could fall apart to realize how important upholding my husbands dreams is to me personally. I feel stronger than ever in my role as his wife. Little things that I know about him, only I get to hold sacred and cheer him on. I look at our home with awe, wonder and a renewed purpose now. I look at our kids with giddy happiness and am so freaking excited to be their mom.
What an incredible FAMILY vacation.
Saturday we hiked Snoqualmie Falls, Anaius got sick, we had lunch with Leslie & Tora, then said goodbye to the big city... Just in time for me to fall apart.
Yep, it's a true story.
When I lived in Seattle, I was in the middle of the deepest, darkest time in my life. I was neck high of slogging through the ugliest shit you can imagine. I was in therapy to process being raped as a child, confronted by my new sexuality (16 and just moved in with my boyfriend? hello triggers!). I had left my own home state and childhood home in anger and fear. All around, I was in a complete shit status in Seattle. I had assumed I had resolved and forgave myself for just kind of failing at living in Seattle but this trip was all sorts of enlightening for me.
When we moved to Idaho in 2004, it was a joint decision. I think. I don't really remember! I was still slogging through the yuck, but we survived. This trip was an interesting mix of freaking awesome and old fears. Was I doing "enough"? Ha. That's why seeing Mike, Damon's Dad was a giant shit storm because in my mind, I can clearly hear him say to me that I was "taking away his son from him." What kind of lifelong blessing is THAT?! As you can tell, it had a profound impact on my thoughts for the last 15 years.
(14 years ago, we looked like this)
While in Seattle, similar fears popped up though as Damon relaxed and looked so carefree again in Seattle. A glimpse of the boy I fell in love with so recklessly. Little statements in our trip - like how "of course he wasn't lost, he grew up there" placed me (unknowingly at the time) in a place of feeling like a bit of an outsider on my own darn vacation! Other comments about how much he loved the area, how different his dreams were when we lived there, how he could see himself living in so and so area. All triggers. All little cracks.
And ya know what? I think I'd have been OK if I was less committed to loving him and upholding all his dreams. If we were less happy, less in love, less of a solid unit - it wouldn't have been so scary! But the truth is, I absolutely LOVE my husband. I would bend over backward and chop myself easily in half to hold him up in accomplishing his dreams. It is without hesitation that I say - He would do the same for me. I hadn't really considered that Seattle was his home though. It was just a brief period in my life and I was focused on healing then, but it was where he began life. Of course it's familiar to him and brings up different memories.
In those moments in our vacation though, I felt panic. What if I had failed to help him accomplish what he wanted in life? What if Idaho wasn't his home? What if he missed engineering goals and working on giant projects. We all know he's brilliant. His brain lives, sleeps, eats in buildings. He was made for this work.... But was our little construction company in Idaho enough? And if it wasn't, was I enough? (DING DING DING! enter the panic!)
I got beyond that thought really fast actually. Once I dug down into why I was so upset (as we drove painfully slow home), I realized I was really secure in my place as loved as his wife but I still didn't know how to settle my feelings about upholding his dreams. Seeing him vacation was amazing... He didn't answer the phone every time it rang. He didn't check his email ten times an hour to make sure probuild got his order and catch the next invoices needing to be paid or work on billing others to make sure we paid our mortgage... So, I suppose it was really unfair to compare VACATION to every day life - but I want the very very best for him. I want him to feel carefree and magic more often. I want to make sure that in everything I do, I hold him up. I want him to know that he's loved.
(on our vacation, man we were tired that first day!!!)
And in that, I spent a solid week thinking of how to find my peace again at my home.
The truth is, I found it again. It wasn't misplaced and I'm not at all ashamed of my falling apart. I fell apart in a less than stellar way, but my WHY doesn't cause me a bit of pain. Marriage isn't half ass to me. It's an all in, all consuming, forever and in to eternity kind of deal.
I'm really thankful we went on vacation and I am even more blessed that I could fall apart to realize how important upholding my husbands dreams is to me personally. I feel stronger than ever in my role as his wife. Little things that I know about him, only I get to hold sacred and cheer him on. I look at our home with awe, wonder and a renewed purpose now. I look at our kids with giddy happiness and am so freaking excited to be their mom.
What an incredible FAMILY vacation.
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